Nightmares, Moving and Brettley

The first thing I decided to blog about today is my nightmares. My Saturday night was full of them, one after another and resulted in my not going to church on Sunday because I was so tired from them. When I have nightmares, they aren't about monsters or anything like that. They are about bad things happening to people that I love. For example, my last one was about my mum calling me to tell me that my grandfather was dying. The worst part is that I know exactly what triggered all of the nightmares. I've been thinking a lot lately about a man who is very important to me. He is dying of inoperable pancreatic cancer. The most anyone can buy him is 3-5 years, and we don't even know if that option is available yet. He is currently undergoing a light form of chemotherapy to see if they can shrink the cancer at all. It will not get rid of it, they are just hoping to buy him a bit more time. I have been dealing with this since November and haven't written about it online at all, except on my private blog, because he has told us that he doesn't want it plastered all over Facebook, so PLEASE take that request to heart if I have you on my Facebook. The man I'm talking about is my father-in-law. I'm closer to him than any other father figure in my life and I've never dealt with anyone close to me dying before. My dad's parents died before I was born and my mum's parents are still alive. My father-in-law is not expected to outlive them. It's heartbreaking. I've been thinking and worrying a lot about it lately, and that's what triggered the nightmares. I love him so much and it has been a really hard few months.

Also, if you have me on Facebook, you know that John and I are are beginning to begin to prepare to move. As in, we don't have a place even in mind yet, but we know we want to move and are going to start saving for it and going through our things and whittling the amount down to a quantity that we're willing to pack up when the time comes. I have yet to decide if we want to try and stay in our ward or not. I'm thinking we might purposely try to leave when the time comes. There are a few reasons, the first being that I'd like to be in a ward with none of our family there (John's sister is in our current ward). Also, we live in a very transient ward and it seems like most of the time that I start becoming decent friends with someone that they move shortly after. The third is that I am ready to develop some close friendships. I realize I have people that I get along okay with, but I don't have any close friends on this continent. It sucks. I don't have people that call me to hang out unless several other people are coming as well, I don't have someone I could call at the drop of a hat to ask them to come over and hang out if I'm having a tough day and if I did call, I don't have anyone who would come. I'm not trying to be a whiner or anything, I'm just ready to be in a place where I can work on that in a ward that's not super transient. Plus, most people in our current ward remember me at my worst, and I'd like to move forward from that.

Saturday evening I had a few people over for Brettley's "Meet The Baby" party. It was fun, even though Caleb kept coming down and being a turkey. Today Brettley is only supposed to be a week and a half old. However, he's actually 2 months old and doing great. We love him so much and are so proud of him. Speaking of Brettley, I'm pretty sure that he's hungry and Caleb wants to watch The Lightning Thief with me, so I'd better go. I hope you all had a wonderful weekend.

PS
Just thought I'd add that the reason I'd like to be in a ward with no family is not an issue with my sister-in-law. I'd just like to feel like my ward is my ward and not someone else's ward that I just happen to be in as well. I hope that makes sense.