So I decided after my last post that I needed something a lot more lighthearted. I know I've mentioned this year that I've kind of stopped blogging because I started bullet journaling, which has become my favoured form of journaling now. One thing I've really noticed in the BuJo community is that people have a ridiculous amount of supplies for these little notebooks. So I thought I would share what I have tried that I decided wasn't my speed, and also the things I've tried that I love and will continue to use.
NIKKI FAILS
-Staedtler Triplus Fineliners
This was probably the biggest shock for me. They used to be my go-to pens for everything. I loved them. I have a 42 pack of them, so they definitely gave me colour variety. However, I couldn't do thicker lines of colour with them, and trying to colour in pictures or squares with them often caused them to bleed on to the other side of the page. So now my sad 42-pack sits in my desk drawer. I'm thinking they'll probably end up being used a lot for notes for university more than anything else.
-Zebra Mildliners
This was the first thing I really tried to bring colour to my journals with. I used some Christmas money to get them, and honestly they didn't meet my needs. I didn't get enough variety in colours, which is important to me. I especially didn't get many colours I actually liked. So while they seem to be a hot item in the community, they definitely weren't for me. I gifted them to my boys when they decided to jump on the bullet journal train.
-Stencils
I had intended to have bullet journaling help me become more crafty, and I figured stencils would be a great way to do that. I tried them for the first 3 months, and honestly, they just felt like a lot of work to me. Artsy creativity is just not me, and I've come to really embrace that about my self over the past 6 months.
Faber Castell PITT Artist Pens
-I already had some of these that John had given me in my stocking one year. As just a writing pen, I still love them. However, I found they really like to smear a lot when I put colour over top of them, so I started looking for an alternative for my main black pen.
Steadtler Pigment Liners
-I tried these next instead of the previous pens. I liked them even less. I found they didn't write nicely, and I'm kind of a stationery snob, so that was a big hang up for me. I use these black pens a lot each day, so it needs to be something I enjoy using, at least for me.
-Scribbles That Matter Pro Dotted A5 Notebook
It's kind of funny that this is on here, since I've barely even started setting mine up to become my new journal in August. However, I can already tell the the ribbons aren't as nice as the ones in the Leuchtturm 1917s, and the thread binding is definitely not as good. I do like that it has an elastic pen loops, but that just doesn't make up for it's drawbacks for me. However, I'll stick it out for the (estimated) 4 months it'll take me to fill it, and then I'll be back to my notebook of choice.
NIKKI WINS
-Washi Tape
Now, I hardly ever use washi tape to actually decorate my pages with. That would be a fail for me. However, I use it as monthly dividers by wrapping it on both sides of the edge of the first page for each month. It works awesome for this purpose and makes it so easy to find what I'm looking for. I do, occasionally use colourable washi tape to decorate with, but that's very seldom. The main time I use it is the colourable cupcake washi tape I have. I tear off one cupcake, put on on a daily when it's someone's birthday and colour it in with their favourite colour, or a colour that reminds me of them. I got the cupcake washi tape in a subscription box that I got for 3 months.
-Tombow Dual Brush Pens
I cannot say enough good things about these markers. I have the full set of 96, which definitely satisfies my need for colour variety. They have a big brush tip as well as a bullet tip, which enables me to both colour in and write with them, which was important to me, since that is how I make my journals visually appealing to me. The pigmentation for them is phenomenal and they don't bleed through paper, since they are water based. If you have the money, they are definitely worth the price.
-Tombow Mono Drawing Pens
So these are the black pens I ended up settling on. They write very nicely and as long as I let them have about one minute to dry, they don't smear when I colour over them. Tombow has really become my preferred brand over Staedtler. They are more costly, but I truly find the quality to be worth it.
-Pentel Energize Mechanical Pencil 0.7
These have been my pencils of choice for years now, and I honestly can't see that ever changing.
-Fine Nib Platinum Preppy Fountain Pens
This started when I got a red one of these in a subscription box. I love them! They are fairly inexpensive and write extremely well for the cost. John even uses them, and he's a lefty so he normally avoids fountain pens. I use these for my daily journal prompts as well as my journal entries for how each day went. Eventually I hope to move to a higher quality fountain pen for these, but for now, the Platinum Preppy pens definitely do the job.
-Printables on Sticker Paper
This has been a must for me last month and this month. My wrists have been bad, but I like tracking a lot, so I did up printables of most of my trackers on my laptop. I print them off, trim them down to size, and stick them in my journal to use. They do add bulk to the journal, but for me it's worth it.
-Leuchtturm 1917 A5 Dotted Notebooks
These are hands down my favourite easily accessed journals. They are paginated, thread bound, and just plain awesome. They come in a large assortment of colours, which I love. They are definitely the notebook I would recommend, hands down.
***
So that's about it. I still have a deep love for using my bullet journal. It's part of my daily life, and I can't see that changing any time in the foreseeable future.
The goings on of our geeky little family and the musings and soapbox moments of the lone female in the group.
Showing posts with label Bullet Journal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bullet Journal. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 3, 2018
Monday, June 11, 2018
Confessions of a Life Long Warrior
When you sit down at psychiatric assessment or an initial counselling appointment, you tend to get asked some thought provoking questions. I went through this last fall as I first met with my social worker, and then again with my psychiatrist. They both asked me "How long have you suffered from depression and anxiety?". My answer was the same for both of them. "I don't remember a time when I didn't suffer from them".
Think back to your earliest memory. How old are you in it? In mine, I'm about 3 years old. My shirt is red, white and blue. I'm eating from a box of Ritz crackers in front of our house. That singular memory is probably the only time in my life it wasn't an issue for me. By the time my memories in general kick in (age 4), I have the signs of depression and anxiety.
By the time I was Brettley's age (7), I had started counselling for being deemed an 'unruly child' with some not-so-fun side effects. By the time I was Ty's age (9), I had PTSD. By the time I was Caleb's age (11), my OCD symptoms had set in and I had essentially lost control of myself. All before I entered junior high.
I entered many years of extreme rebellion. Mental illness was so much less understood then, and no one could piece together what they were seeing. I was labelled cynical, morose, depressed, difficult, out-of-control, suicidal, disturbingly obsessed, etc. I won't lie, they were all accurate descriptions of me. They just weren't my fault.
I knew I was different from my peers, I felt distinctly different, and so I just kept fighting harder and harder to be different. I guess I subscribed to the idea that if you're in for a penny, you may as well be in for a pound. You know, if you're going to do something, do it well. I didn't want to be like everyone else. They didn't understand me, and I didn't want to be someone who didn't understand where other people came from. I lived in small-town Alberta and I refused to 'become' small-town Alberta (ha, oh this is making me laugh now as a 33 year old living in...small-town Alberta). I couldn't help rebelling, it was like the biggest inner desire of my teenage heart. I don't mean typical teenage rebellion, I mean deep-down full-hearted rebellion.
Through my years as an adult, I have kept some of that rebellious streak, no matter how "mainstream" I slowly became. Maybe it's made a little easier that what was considered mainstream when I was a teen is now considered woefully out of date, so I'm still not mainstream. Part of me still has that burning need to not conform to the people around me. I'm going to go out on a limb and just assume here that feeling different has just become ingrained in my sense of identity.
My hair has usually been the easiest way to do this. Keep cutting it short and spiky, dye it purple, teal or bleach it out. It's so easy, it's not permanent, and short of it maybe not being always appropriate to go in to the temple with, it's not so rebellious that everyone thinks I'm a total heathen. I won't lie, when we moved here last year I was tempted to swear that I'd never grown my hair out and I really just wanted to dye it bright blue.
Yes, being different seems to be how my brain defines me. It's all it really knows. By the time I had a sense of self at the age of 8, mental illness already had me deep in its clutches.
So this begs the question for me, how do you learn to find who you actually are separate from your mental illness? I don't know who that person is. I've essentially never met her. It's possibly that I never will, in this mortal life. Stable is stable, not free. The only way my illness will allow me to define myself is 'different'. You can tell me that I'm a Child of God until you're blue in the face. I logically know that, but I can't reconcile that with how my illness allows me to define myself. I know I'm a wife and a mother, but my illness will only allow me to say I'm those things if I include my diagnoses with them. Some days I wonder, is this really all I will ever be? Is it all I am?
This, this is living with mental illness.
***
Okay, so now that you've read those super positive and uplifting musings...Those were seriously just thoughts I had on my mind today that begged to be unleashed. I sat and wrote them out while I was listening to the soundtrack for The Greatest Showman, and I was happily singing along. I mean, I had a Dr Pepper, so clearly life was good in the moment :) They weren't written as a desperate cry for help as I rocked back in forth in my bed. My point that I was hoping to make is that this is a lifelong illness that will continue to need support on and off as long as I live. It is what it is. Accepting it for what it is puts me in a much better position to actually treat it effectively. Also, sometimes we just need someone to listen without judgement. Mental illness is real, it exists, and I am just sitting here still trying to figure out how to help break the stigma that comes with it. I also keep noticing a lot of similarities between my walk and Caleb's and writing it out helps me piece things together a lot more easily. So thank you for listening to my Monday afternoon ramblings that were inspired by a week of strep throat and a sinus infection. Also, now I really want to go watch The Greatest Showman!
Also, I'm still using my bullet journals daily, so my regular journaling remains in there. Seriously, I love my journals!
Think back to your earliest memory. How old are you in it? In mine, I'm about 3 years old. My shirt is red, white and blue. I'm eating from a box of Ritz crackers in front of our house. That singular memory is probably the only time in my life it wasn't an issue for me. By the time my memories in general kick in (age 4), I have the signs of depression and anxiety.
By the time I was Brettley's age (7), I had started counselling for being deemed an 'unruly child' with some not-so-fun side effects. By the time I was Ty's age (9), I had PTSD. By the time I was Caleb's age (11), my OCD symptoms had set in and I had essentially lost control of myself. All before I entered junior high.
I entered many years of extreme rebellion. Mental illness was so much less understood then, and no one could piece together what they were seeing. I was labelled cynical, morose, depressed, difficult, out-of-control, suicidal, disturbingly obsessed, etc. I won't lie, they were all accurate descriptions of me. They just weren't my fault.
I knew I was different from my peers, I felt distinctly different, and so I just kept fighting harder and harder to be different. I guess I subscribed to the idea that if you're in for a penny, you may as well be in for a pound. You know, if you're going to do something, do it well. I didn't want to be like everyone else. They didn't understand me, and I didn't want to be someone who didn't understand where other people came from. I lived in small-town Alberta and I refused to 'become' small-town Alberta (ha, oh this is making me laugh now as a 33 year old living in...small-town Alberta). I couldn't help rebelling, it was like the biggest inner desire of my teenage heart. I don't mean typical teenage rebellion, I mean deep-down full-hearted rebellion.
Through my years as an adult, I have kept some of that rebellious streak, no matter how "mainstream" I slowly became. Maybe it's made a little easier that what was considered mainstream when I was a teen is now considered woefully out of date, so I'm still not mainstream. Part of me still has that burning need to not conform to the people around me. I'm going to go out on a limb and just assume here that feeling different has just become ingrained in my sense of identity.
My hair has usually been the easiest way to do this. Keep cutting it short and spiky, dye it purple, teal or bleach it out. It's so easy, it's not permanent, and short of it maybe not being always appropriate to go in to the temple with, it's not so rebellious that everyone thinks I'm a total heathen. I won't lie, when we moved here last year I was tempted to swear that I'd never grown my hair out and I really just wanted to dye it bright blue.
Yes, being different seems to be how my brain defines me. It's all it really knows. By the time I had a sense of self at the age of 8, mental illness already had me deep in its clutches.
So this begs the question for me, how do you learn to find who you actually are separate from your mental illness? I don't know who that person is. I've essentially never met her. It's possibly that I never will, in this mortal life. Stable is stable, not free. The only way my illness will allow me to define myself is 'different'. You can tell me that I'm a Child of God until you're blue in the face. I logically know that, but I can't reconcile that with how my illness allows me to define myself. I know I'm a wife and a mother, but my illness will only allow me to say I'm those things if I include my diagnoses with them. Some days I wonder, is this really all I will ever be? Is it all I am?
This, this is living with mental illness.
***
Okay, so now that you've read those super positive and uplifting musings...Those were seriously just thoughts I had on my mind today that begged to be unleashed. I sat and wrote them out while I was listening to the soundtrack for The Greatest Showman, and I was happily singing along. I mean, I had a Dr Pepper, so clearly life was good in the moment :) They weren't written as a desperate cry for help as I rocked back in forth in my bed. My point that I was hoping to make is that this is a lifelong illness that will continue to need support on and off as long as I live. It is what it is. Accepting it for what it is puts me in a much better position to actually treat it effectively. Also, sometimes we just need someone to listen without judgement. Mental illness is real, it exists, and I am just sitting here still trying to figure out how to help break the stigma that comes with it. I also keep noticing a lot of similarities between my walk and Caleb's and writing it out helps me piece things together a lot more easily. So thank you for listening to my Monday afternoon ramblings that were inspired by a week of strep throat and a sinus infection. Also, now I really want to go watch The Greatest Showman!
Also, I'm still using my bullet journals daily, so my regular journaling remains in there. Seriously, I love my journals!
Wednesday, February 28, 2018
February 2018
So I've found that now that I'm bullet journalling it's easier to remember what to blog about. I have all of my events and appointments in one place, and each month has a page specifically for me to write what I want to blog about from that month.
Early in February we got to watch the 2 episodes of Family Feud that our friend, Heidi, was on. We enjoyed getting to see it and hearing about how hot her husband is (ha ha).
Caleb went to a gun show with his uncle and cousin. He bought himself a hunting journal and a set of throwing knives. He is so excited to be old enough to start hunting this fall. Where has the time gone?
I bought a kitchen table for $10 that I'm going to refinish this spring. I'm really excited about this project.
We brought my drafting desk in to the house and it sits right in front of our big living room window. I love having something of mine in here.
Things got pretty rough for Caleb for a while. His anxiety and depression reared their ugly heads. We stayed right on top of it. His psychiatrist put him on an antidepressant, we met with the teachers at the school about it and he will start counselling next month as well. We can already see the medication making a big difference for him and are so glad we dealt with things immediately. We are also blessed with him having such a wonderful pediatric psychiatrist.
We had a nasty cold go through our house this month. It started with Brettley having croup and ending up in the ER one night. I joked that it's not winter until one of our kids goes to the ER with severe croup. It spread to his chest and from there we all took turns being sick. I'm still fighting mine off.
Ty sang the US and Canadian national anthems at the Hurricanes game with the school choir this month. They did very well, and he loved it.
John and I managed to find time to have a lunch date at Tony Roma's this month. We also played my original D&D campaign for the first time in years. I loved it.
For the first time since last May, I dyed my hair. It is a really fun shade of red and I am loving it. I really needed a pick-me-up, and it helped a lot.
Ty and Brettley started basketball camp on Saturdays at the school. They aren't terribly coordinated, but they had fun. I also registered Brettley for soccer starting in late April. He is super excited about it.
This evening we got to go to the grade 1 project-based learning showcase at the school. Brettley showed us a bunch of stuff about animals he did. He was so proud of himself.
Also, I am currently going through a change with my meds. While we got my anxiety mostly under control, my depression was/is still extremely bad. So the psychiatrist lowered my Seroquel from 75 mg back down to 50 mg, because I'm tired all of the time. I have now started taking Cipralex (an antidepressant) in addition to that. Hopefully we will figure out what will work best for me. For now, I'm just taking things 1 day at a time, sometimes 1 hour at a time. My bullet journal gives me something to focus on that helps me find a bit of happiness, so I'm really grateful that I took a chance and tried it out.
Early in February we got to watch the 2 episodes of Family Feud that our friend, Heidi, was on. We enjoyed getting to see it and hearing about how hot her husband is (ha ha).
Caleb went to a gun show with his uncle and cousin. He bought himself a hunting journal and a set of throwing knives. He is so excited to be old enough to start hunting this fall. Where has the time gone?
I bought a kitchen table for $10 that I'm going to refinish this spring. I'm really excited about this project.
We brought my drafting desk in to the house and it sits right in front of our big living room window. I love having something of mine in here.
Things got pretty rough for Caleb for a while. His anxiety and depression reared their ugly heads. We stayed right on top of it. His psychiatrist put him on an antidepressant, we met with the teachers at the school about it and he will start counselling next month as well. We can already see the medication making a big difference for him and are so glad we dealt with things immediately. We are also blessed with him having such a wonderful pediatric psychiatrist.
We had a nasty cold go through our house this month. It started with Brettley having croup and ending up in the ER one night. I joked that it's not winter until one of our kids goes to the ER with severe croup. It spread to his chest and from there we all took turns being sick. I'm still fighting mine off.
Ty sang the US and Canadian national anthems at the Hurricanes game with the school choir this month. They did very well, and he loved it.
John and I managed to find time to have a lunch date at Tony Roma's this month. We also played my original D&D campaign for the first time in years. I loved it.
For the first time since last May, I dyed my hair. It is a really fun shade of red and I am loving it. I really needed a pick-me-up, and it helped a lot.
Ty and Brettley started basketball camp on Saturdays at the school. They aren't terribly coordinated, but they had fun. I also registered Brettley for soccer starting in late April. He is super excited about it.
This evening we got to go to the grade 1 project-based learning showcase at the school. Brettley showed us a bunch of stuff about animals he did. He was so proud of himself.
Also, I am currently going through a change with my meds. While we got my anxiety mostly under control, my depression was/is still extremely bad. So the psychiatrist lowered my Seroquel from 75 mg back down to 50 mg, because I'm tired all of the time. I have now started taking Cipralex (an antidepressant) in addition to that. Hopefully we will figure out what will work best for me. For now, I'm just taking things 1 day at a time, sometimes 1 hour at a time. My bullet journal gives me something to focus on that helps me find a bit of happiness, so I'm really grateful that I took a chance and tried it out.
Thursday, February 1, 2018
January 2018
January began with the passing of the prophet, President Thomas S Monson. I loved hearing him talk and tell stories in his comforting grandfather voice. He was a shining example of humble service. He will be greatly missed. My boys were very sad. Caleb was only a toddler when President Hinckley passed away, so this is the first time he has gone through this, really. It was so comforting to know that the Lord already had a plan in place for who would next lead the church, under His direction. I could see in the past couple of years how President Nelson was being prepared to take up the task, and grew in my love for him and his devotion to doing the work of the Lord.
I started reading again this past month, which was a big deal. I had stopped reading when I got really sick last year, so it's nice to be enjoying something that has been a lifelong hobby for me. Brettley also hit a reading milestone and is officially reading grade 2 level books now. I suspect he'll get to grade 3 books before the end of the year. Caleb is now reading high school level books, and apparently asking college level questions in science class. Ty has grown to love reading so much this year, which is such a joy to see.
I began my calling in nursery and was surprised by how quickly I fell in love with it. I had been in nursery when we left Edmonton and it had never been a happy place for me there, but here I instantly felt connected to these young ones and love their sweet little spirits. They are truly a joy to be around.
I discovered bullet journaling this month. It's a system that was made for me, I'm sure. I love lists, calendars, being organized, office supplies, and this combines them all. I've been loving it!
I finally got around to making a large wall calendar project that I'd been wanting to make for the past several years. John was a big help with it.
I got to see C, L's mom, when we were out shopping one day, which was a wonderful experience.
I have started walking more, outside and doing steps inside when it's too cold or icy. I found this really cool thing where it tells you the distances between locations from Middle Earth (Tolkien's world), so I'm using that to set goals for myself.
Last weekend I attended our Stake Relief Society Conference, which was amazing. I attended 2 classes. The first was 'The Courage to be Imperfect' which referenced Elder Holland's October 2017 talk quite a bit. The second class I went to was 'Don't Look Around, Look Up' where we talked a lot about the need to look to the Lord instead of comparing ourselves to others. We all got to listen to Dr Wayne Burton talk as well as play and sing for us. There was a wonderful luncheon afterward. I'm so glad I got to have that uplifting experience.
Yesterday was Bell Let's Talk, which I actively participated in to help fundraise, but also to bring awareness about the need that still exists for more education for the general public, more research and better access to supports. Obviously, this is something that is very near and dear to my heart. Caleb had a psychiatrist appointment yesterday and he gets to come off of his last medication. It was a very happy victory to see him have come this far from where we were even 2 years ago. He is such a brave little fighter.
I started reading again this past month, which was a big deal. I had stopped reading when I got really sick last year, so it's nice to be enjoying something that has been a lifelong hobby for me. Brettley also hit a reading milestone and is officially reading grade 2 level books now. I suspect he'll get to grade 3 books before the end of the year. Caleb is now reading high school level books, and apparently asking college level questions in science class. Ty has grown to love reading so much this year, which is such a joy to see.
I began my calling in nursery and was surprised by how quickly I fell in love with it. I had been in nursery when we left Edmonton and it had never been a happy place for me there, but here I instantly felt connected to these young ones and love their sweet little spirits. They are truly a joy to be around.
I discovered bullet journaling this month. It's a system that was made for me, I'm sure. I love lists, calendars, being organized, office supplies, and this combines them all. I've been loving it!
I finally got around to making a large wall calendar project that I'd been wanting to make for the past several years. John was a big help with it.
I got to see C, L's mom, when we were out shopping one day, which was a wonderful experience.
I have started walking more, outside and doing steps inside when it's too cold or icy. I found this really cool thing where it tells you the distances between locations from Middle Earth (Tolkien's world), so I'm using that to set goals for myself.
Last weekend I attended our Stake Relief Society Conference, which was amazing. I attended 2 classes. The first was 'The Courage to be Imperfect' which referenced Elder Holland's October 2017 talk quite a bit. The second class I went to was 'Don't Look Around, Look Up' where we talked a lot about the need to look to the Lord instead of comparing ourselves to others. We all got to listen to Dr Wayne Burton talk as well as play and sing for us. There was a wonderful luncheon afterward. I'm so glad I got to have that uplifting experience.
Yesterday was Bell Let's Talk, which I actively participated in to help fundraise, but also to bring awareness about the need that still exists for more education for the general public, more research and better access to supports. Obviously, this is something that is very near and dear to my heart. Caleb had a psychiatrist appointment yesterday and he gets to come off of his last medication. It was a very happy victory to see him have come this far from where we were even 2 years ago. He is such a brave little fighter.
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