Post #2 For Today

I think I have done Caleb a bit of an injustice. I never saw him as a kid with special needs, I saw him as a kid who struggles with ADHD. As we met with his psychologist the other day and she had me list off what has been diagnosed and what I feel still needs to be diagnosed I had a realization as I rattled off this list:
-ADHD
-Oppositional Defiant Disorder
-Anxiety
-Sensory Processing Disorder
-Severe Desire for Structure and Routine
-Rage Attacks Caused by Above
Caleb is, in fact, a child with special needs. It certainly doesn't make him a bad kid, and it doesn't even make me a bad parent for not realizing this earlier. It just means that now we're a bit better equipped to make stronger and more effective decisions regarding Caleb.

I think of things like travel, which we will be changing how we look at. His psychologist reminded me that travel in particular is going to be a very hard thing for him. It's different at my mum's. She follows any routine I ask her to, Caleb is used to travelling there every couple of months, and it's only a 2 hour trip home if things aren't working out well. Anything more than that needs to be seriously evaluated. Caleb desperately needs structure and routine in his life, and travelling really throws a wrench into that. He gets overstimulated very easily at family gatherings, which triggers a lot of difficult reactions in him. Travel that takes any more than 2 or 3 hours to get back home from, makes it very difficult if he needs to leave earlier than planned.

I'm in the process of changing how I make him aware of my expectations, of consequences and how I wind him down at the end of the day, so that these things are clear to him, become a routine and are more effective for him. We are becoming more aware of making sure his needs are met, both in making accommodations and also in making expectations and consequences easier to understand.

October Update

So apparently I'm sorely lacking in the 'remember to blog' department. Oops! Here's an update and I will do my best to get back on track next week.

Brettley has been doing eye patching for the past few months. He has one pair of glasses that his cloth patch remains on permanently and then his big boy glasses that have no patch for the rest of the day. He has been working hard at learning all about letters and numbers. If he keeps up the hard work, I may actually get to teach him some sight words before he starts Kindergarten next fall. He is very close to being able to get out of the car seat and into the booster seat, a day we are ALL awaiting.

Tyrell is loving grade 2. He has the same teacher that Caleb had last year, which I may or may not have fist pumped over (okay, I'll totally own the fact that I did). He is still a big chatterbox and ball of energy when he's not at his desk at school. He just turned 7 last week and keeps talking about how excited he is to turn 8 next year and get baptized and start Cubs. This week he moved into the room with the double bed (Caleb moved in with Brettley), and he is so excited to have a space of his own. Our plan is to have them rotate who gets a room to himself every year.

Caleb is doing alright, after we got him settled into grade 4. He had a hard time adjusting, and so the principal and I have decided to go through trying to have him get coded for next year (due to his ADHD aggression, Oppositional Defiant Disorder and anxiety) so that he will qualify for extra help and so that when he goes to junior high and we have to deal with many teachers instead of just 1, I don't have to fight too hard for him to get the accommodations that he needs. He still absolutely loves science and has shown an interest in computer programming, so he and John are getting books out of the library to introduce him to that. He turned 9 last month and already has a teenage attitude, ha ha.

John is doing fairly well, other than his bout of shingles these past couple of weeks. A huge blessing, though, that it was an extremely mild case and was more of a nuisance to him than anything else. The biggest down side was that because Brettley hasn't had his second chicken pox immunization yet, he has been living at my dad's for over a week. He gets to come home tomorrow.

I am doing pretty well, aside from the case of bronchitis that Caleb so kindly shared with me this week. I have been doing lunchtime supervision at the school (my dad watches Brettley) and I really enjoy it. I am still happily serving away as the Mia Maids adviser in Young Women to a wonderful group of girls. I have been focusing a lot more lately on getting more out of my scripture study and just about increasing my learning in general. It's been a lot of fun and it keeps me very motivated.

So I think that's our updates, or at least the Coles Notes version of it. Have a great Halloween weekend!

The May Update

Life in the Bly home at the moment, hmm. The kids and I have started spending a lot more time outside now that spring is finally (mostly) here. They have gotten in lots of bike riding. We bought Brettley a brand spanking new big boy bike and finally got rid of the tricycle. They LOVE riding their bikes. We also bought a bunch of different things for them to use outside (chalk, soccer ball and pylons, etc).

Caleb and I went to see Big Hero 6 in the cheap theatre as a mommy and son date. He has done extremely well in working to get his anger under control. Hardly ever any issues at home or school now, so he no longer sees the psychologist or psychiatrist and just works with our new family doctor now. I'm so proud of him for working so hard, and his hard work really showed through in his March report card (his best one yet).

Tyrell won a citizenship award at school last month for being particularly good at team work. He also has his non-prescription glasses now, which he loves.

Brettley's glasses finally came in, and he loves his red Miraflex glasses. His eye looks a lot better with them too, so they are doing their job to prevent a third eye surgery. We are still waffling on the idea of putting him in Kindergarten this fall. I have very mixed feelings on whether or not he is ready. Intellectually I have no doubt he can do it, but he is very small for his age and would be very close to the cut off date for age, so he would probably be the youngest in his class anyway. Still not sure what we'll end up deciding on.

This Monday the boys were sure to celebrate Star Wars day in our geeky little family.

I am doing well. The decision to switch to pills instead of vitamins was definitely the right call for me. I still have off days, but they are far easier to pull out of now. I have been blessed to be the Mia Maids adviser for over 14 months now and am enjoying every minute of it with these amazing girls.

John is doing good as well and we are just happily enjoying life right now and looking forward to spending this coming weekend with my mum. And that's your monthly update on the Bly family :)

Thankful Tuesday?

Let's be honest, I have no plans to be blogging on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. I have far more important things to focus on at that point. Really, even at after 10 pm tonight, I still have 2 of the 3 kids awake. But they're happily watching Disney Junior and I just finished preparing my lesson for this coming Sunday, so I figured I would take care of this now while I'm thinking of it and have the time.

1) I am grateful to have John home for the next 2 weeks. Oh so grateful! I think he's pretty grateful for it as well.

2) I am grateful to have evidence that Caleb's medication really does make a difference for him. I accidentally forgot to give it to him the other night and let me tell you, the next day was QUITE the experience. So it really does work, and I'm grateful for it.

3) I am grateful for a baby boy born hundreds and hundred and hundreds of years ago. For His life, His sacrifice, His death and His resurrection. He is the reason that I am celebrating this week, and the person who gets me through it all in life. I am so grateful for all that the Savior has done for me and for us all.

Caleb Update

So an update about goings on with Caleb. We met with the psychiatrist yesterday and also with the psychologist. Caleb, as I've mentioned before, has been officially diagnosed with ADHD. He also meets the criteria, and then some, for Oppositional Defiant Disorder, but doesn't have an official diagnosis at this point. We will continue to see the psychiatrist every couple of months to ensure that his current medication and dosage is still working well for him. However, we no longer need to make use of the psychologist unless we choose to. We are happy with the progress that Caleb has made (more like thrilled, actually). Things are getting so much better and I am SO grateful for that.

Things with Caleb have been a very big learning experience and eye opener for me. I am learning so much about ADHD and ODD. I am learning how to change how I parent to be more effective for him. I am learning how to be an advocate for him in school. I am (finally) learning how to have more patience. Some of the eye openers have been learning that ADHD doesn't always look the way you expect it to. Also, a big one for me was accepting that sometimes, kids require medication, even if it's not a road you wanted to travel. The way I look at it now is that when my kids have a bacterial infection, I make sure they get antibiotics. Because something is actually wrong that causes Caleb to not have control, I make sure he has what he needs for it. Sick is sick! I know that from my own experience, and now I'm learning it from yet another angle as a parent.

I love Caleb so much, and I'm so grateful he's been a trouper through this trial as we waited and waited to find an answer.

Diagnosis!

So after I blogged on Thursday, I had a chance to talk to Caleb's psychologist on the phone. This was probably the best conversation she and I have ever had (I'm normally anything BUT a fan of her). It was a good conversation because I felt like she was actually listening to me for once, but also because she finally told me what diagnosis the psychiatrist has given Caleb. As I've mentioned before, I've spent over a year now knowing that something was wrong and have been working hard trying to get Caleb the help that he needs. I have sacrificed taking care of my own mind this past year in order to take care of him. Finally getting an official diagnosis was a HUGE deal! So here it is:

Caleb has Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder with a tendency toward Oppositional Defiant Disorder as well. When his medication was changed a couple of weeks ago, it was changed to a non-stimulant ADHD medication meant for kids. He seems to be doing well with it so far.

Now that we know what we are working with, we are figuring out how to proceed. I am becoming WELL educated in ADHD and working on becoming very educated about ODD as well and sharing what I learn with John. We are happy keeping our current concessions for Caleb in the classroom, but finding a few others we want to add in as well. We still have a long road ahead of us, Caleb especially, but we finally feel like we've at least found the right path, and that is a huge relief.

We understand that we will have lots of people belittle Caleb's diagnosis and try to convince us that ADHD doesn't really exist and/or that we shouldn't be medicating him for it. To them I bluntly say: "You live in the past year of my life in my place and go through everything I went through as we waited for this answer and THEN say that to my face". We feel peace with this answer, and we know that it is Heavenly Father telling us that it's right and we are SO grateful for His help and guidance in all of this.