So here is what came out of Caleb's meeting with the child psychiatrist. He has very serious anxiety issues (which we very much knew). We will be watching him since he's showing signs of having bipolar disorder. He will work on learning skills to deal with his emotions effectively. Caleb is far more intellectually mature than he is emotionally mature, and it's causing a big disconnect in him (we've heard this from a few people, actually). And get ready with your torches and pitchforks here... For the next 4-6 months he is taking an antipsychotic to reduce the frequency and the severity of his outbursts.
I'll address the medication issue first. We had always said before that we would medicate our kids as a last resort. Let me be clear, we were at that point. As I stated 2 posts ago, things have been really bad for the last 9 months, and I had hit my limit. Furthermore, with summer holidays about to start and there being no school to break up the week, I knew it was necessary. It is not a permanent solution, it is temporary until he has learned the skills that he needs to learn.
As for the part about him showing signs of bipolar, I kind of already knew this. It was glaringly obvious how much of myself I was seeing in him when he struggled. It's different coming at this with a child. We'll catch it WAY earlier than it was caught with me. We've already found an effective way to manage it, which he will be doing as soon as he is done taking the antipsychotics. He will never have to worry about morning sickness interfering with his ability to take his supplement, and he won't have to worry about monthly hormonal changes messing everything up either. We've been through this before, so we have a far better idea of how to help him through it than we did with me. And finally, he has a mother that has been through it first hand. I've got understanding about this in spades.
So...We have quite the road ahead of us, but it finally feels like we're making progress and that we have an idea of where we need to be going. I am SO thankful for everyone who has helped us during the past 9 months, especially our amazing and patient bishop. But every thought, prayer and kind word from everyone during this time has been far more appreciated than you know.
The goings on of our geeky little family and the musings and soapbox moments of the lone female in the group.
Friday, June 13, 2014
Tuesday, June 10, 2014
And Back Here On The Positive Side...
Yesterday's post was focused on the tough things I'm struggling with, so I felt that I needed to post some positive things today to balance it out a bit (and maybe as a precaution so that people don't think I'm totally losing it again). So what are some good things that have happened this school year?
Brettley ended up catching up enough in his development that we were able to remove him from the Early Intervention Program. He's actually become quite the articulate little boy. He's still on the short side, but very well proportioned. He's hilarious and adorable.
Tyrell benefited greatly from having an awesome teacher for a few months in the middle of the school year, and will be able to go through to grade 1 next year (we weren't sure if he'd be able to or not). He has actually matured a lot during this year, but is still as random and funny as ever.
Caleb has become quite the voracious reader. It's something that's beneficial, and makes him feel better about himself when he finishes particularly big books. He has already finished the first 3 Harry Potter books and is halfway through the fourth, on top of the hundreds of other books he has read in this school year alone. We have learned that he LOVES science and his exceptionally good memory is very helpful when he wants to tell us about the latest fact he's discovered.
John was able to work a bunch of overtime this spring, and as a result we'll be able to have 2 weeks of holidays this summer. We'll be visiting his family in Magrath first, and then we'll be going to visit my uncle and aunt in North Battleford. We are SO excited to be able to do this, as last summer, his holidays were only 2 days off for Brettley's surgery. The kids are looking forward to the trips as well.
My dad has been one of the biggest blessings we have as a family, there to help us out whenever we need him, which has been a lot because of all of the appointments, school events and other things that come up.
I got called back in to Young Women!!! This was HUGE for me. It was almost like I physically felt myself coming back to life when this happened. I finished Personal Progress for a second time and am currently working on round 3. I love the Young Women program so much, and it is where I thrive the most. I am enjoying every single week that I'm blessed to be serving there again. It has also helped me start to develop a good relationship with one of my nieces, which I value so much.
I started playing Dungeons and Dragons with John. This may not seem like a big deal, but it's a way for us to spend lots of time together where we're actually interacting and conversing, as opposed to just watching TV or movies together. It's something that we really enjoy doing and it has brought us even closer together. It's been so much fun!
Brettley ended up catching up enough in his development that we were able to remove him from the Early Intervention Program. He's actually become quite the articulate little boy. He's still on the short side, but very well proportioned. He's hilarious and adorable.
Tyrell benefited greatly from having an awesome teacher for a few months in the middle of the school year, and will be able to go through to grade 1 next year (we weren't sure if he'd be able to or not). He has actually matured a lot during this year, but is still as random and funny as ever.
Caleb has become quite the voracious reader. It's something that's beneficial, and makes him feel better about himself when he finishes particularly big books. He has already finished the first 3 Harry Potter books and is halfway through the fourth, on top of the hundreds of other books he has read in this school year alone. We have learned that he LOVES science and his exceptionally good memory is very helpful when he wants to tell us about the latest fact he's discovered.
John was able to work a bunch of overtime this spring, and as a result we'll be able to have 2 weeks of holidays this summer. We'll be visiting his family in Magrath first, and then we'll be going to visit my uncle and aunt in North Battleford. We are SO excited to be able to do this, as last summer, his holidays were only 2 days off for Brettley's surgery. The kids are looking forward to the trips as well.
My dad has been one of the biggest blessings we have as a family, there to help us out whenever we need him, which has been a lot because of all of the appointments, school events and other things that come up.
I got called back in to Young Women!!! This was HUGE for me. It was almost like I physically felt myself coming back to life when this happened. I finished Personal Progress for a second time and am currently working on round 3. I love the Young Women program so much, and it is where I thrive the most. I am enjoying every single week that I'm blessed to be serving there again. It has also helped me start to develop a good relationship with one of my nieces, which I value so much.
I started playing Dungeons and Dragons with John. This may not seem like a big deal, but it's a way for us to spend lots of time together where we're actually interacting and conversing, as opposed to just watching TV or movies together. It's something that we really enjoy doing and it has brought us even closer together. It's been so much fun!
Monday, June 9, 2014
It's Really Lonely Over Here
In going back over past posts, I've realized that I've been just as secretive on here about what's been going with Caleb this year as I've been in every other area of my life. I've given little snippets of information, but I've been holding in just how hard it's actually been. I've given more information to a few select people, but even ended up hardly doing that anymore. After a while, it gets tiring hearing "he's a boy, he'll grow out of it" and similar things. I've learned to trust my mum instincts, they are RARELY wrong, especially when it comes to Caleb. And I know in my heart of hearts that this is NOT just because "he's a boy" or because "he's still young". There is a very real and very serious concern. But how do you get across to people that you need support from your friends because:
You've spent a significant potion of the past 9 months getting punched, slapped, kicked and hit by things thrown by your 7 year old child. That you've had countless times that you've had to restrain him so that he would no longer be able to do these things to your other children. That there have been so many times that you've had to just stand there and take it because you were too scared that if you tried to stop him that he'd accidentally get hurt in the process, but walking away wasn't an option because he would then be a danger to himself and to your younger children. That you've spent hours and hours bawling your eyes out because your very young child has already struggled with thoughts of self-harm. That you've been through option after option trying to get your child the help that they need and that it's always a constant battle to make sure that the help you are seeing understand just how serious the situation actually is and have had a (so-called) professional even shrug it off and try to turn it back around on you. That he has started lying about things so extreme that you had the system called about you over something that wasn't even remotely true. That you've been mortified as the principal has called to tell you (yet again) that your son hurt a classmate when he was unprovoked and you feel awful for the child who was hurt and know exactly how upset their parent must have been when their kid told them what happened at school that day. That you've constantly felt like a failure as a parent because no matter what you try to do about these things, it's NEVER enough.
To top it off, during this time, you've been having to make a decision about whether or not your 3 year old has caught up enough in his development to take him out of the Early Intervention Program or not. You've also had to decide whether to bow to the school's pressure to hold your child back in Kindergarten for another year. You lose both of your grandparents within 6 weeks. You find out that your mother had cancer. You have been dealing with serious repercussions of your own mental illness that leave you physically scarred (probably for the rest of your life).
Yes, THIS has been my life for the last 9 months. Are there good things that happened in there? Absolutely! But when you're dealing with this on a regular basis, you end up physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted pretty much ALL of the time. You end up breaking down in tears in the principal's office, and in the bishop's office. It takes everything you have to keep on going. And you do all of this feeling oh so alone. Because you have no idea where to even turn for support anymore.
This is why there has been so much blog silence from me this school year. Because THIS ^ has been my life. And I don't even know where it's safe to talk about it anymore, because so many people won't take it seriously.
You've spent a significant potion of the past 9 months getting punched, slapped, kicked and hit by things thrown by your 7 year old child. That you've had countless times that you've had to restrain him so that he would no longer be able to do these things to your other children. That there have been so many times that you've had to just stand there and take it because you were too scared that if you tried to stop him that he'd accidentally get hurt in the process, but walking away wasn't an option because he would then be a danger to himself and to your younger children. That you've spent hours and hours bawling your eyes out because your very young child has already struggled with thoughts of self-harm. That you've been through option after option trying to get your child the help that they need and that it's always a constant battle to make sure that the help you are seeing understand just how serious the situation actually is and have had a (so-called) professional even shrug it off and try to turn it back around on you. That he has started lying about things so extreme that you had the system called about you over something that wasn't even remotely true. That you've been mortified as the principal has called to tell you (yet again) that your son hurt a classmate when he was unprovoked and you feel awful for the child who was hurt and know exactly how upset their parent must have been when their kid told them what happened at school that day. That you've constantly felt like a failure as a parent because no matter what you try to do about these things, it's NEVER enough.
To top it off, during this time, you've been having to make a decision about whether or not your 3 year old has caught up enough in his development to take him out of the Early Intervention Program or not. You've also had to decide whether to bow to the school's pressure to hold your child back in Kindergarten for another year. You lose both of your grandparents within 6 weeks. You find out that your mother had cancer. You have been dealing with serious repercussions of your own mental illness that leave you physically scarred (probably for the rest of your life).
Yes, THIS has been my life for the last 9 months. Are there good things that happened in there? Absolutely! But when you're dealing with this on a regular basis, you end up physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted pretty much ALL of the time. You end up breaking down in tears in the principal's office, and in the bishop's office. It takes everything you have to keep on going. And you do all of this feeling oh so alone. Because you have no idea where to even turn for support anymore.
This is why there has been so much blog silence from me this school year. Because THIS ^ has been my life. And I don't even know where it's safe to talk about it anymore, because so many people won't take it seriously.
Thursday, June 5, 2014
Learning Experiences in Motherhood
I feel like I'm finally in a place where I can go public with this story. I also feel like I should, since it was a great learning experience for me.
To start with, Caleb has been struggling with some really serious mental health issues this school year. I've spent most of the past 9 months stressing about how to best help him and get him the outside help that he needs. I've been being punched, hit, kicked, had things thrown at me and had to protect my other 2 kids while all of this was going on. It has NOT been an easy road. When Caleb started getting violent, I became even more hands off with him. I wouldn't stop him when he was hurting me because I was scared I'd accidentally hurt him. I know that what he was feeling inside must be scary enough, he didn't need that to happen on top of it. Caleb has also been struggling with a serious lack of self esteem and sense of self-worth. There is your background to this story.
A few weeks ago, Caleb was feeling like he needed attention while in his primary class with a newer teacher who didn't know what he's been going through or even that I was Caleb's mum. So he decided to tell a tall tale to get the attention he was seeking and proceeded to tell his primary teacher that I spanked him so hard that his bum bled. Let me be clear, this is NOT EVEN CLOSE to being true. But the teacher didn't know who his mum was, or that Caleb had quickly been turning into a compulsive liar, or all of the other issues that Caleb has had going on. I wasn't even aware that he officially HAD a different primary teacher. So filled with concern for Caleb, she took the matter to the bishopric. When an allegation like that is taken to the bishopric, things HAVE to be handled a certain way. So some sort of authorities were called (to this day, I'm not sure if it was the police, or child services). Luckily, we have an amazing bishop, who called me immediately after, explained what had been said in the classroom and what had to happen because it had been said. He assured me that it was most likely that the worst that would happen would be having do do an interview with them over the phone. He let me know that if I had any problems with child services that I was to let him know and he would be there to help me through it (also helps that my bishop is a lawyer). He reassured me that during the phone call he'd had to make that he'd let them know some of the things that Caleb had been struggling with this year.
As a mother, I was mortified that my child would even say something like that. I still am, to be honest. But that's not the learning experience. First, and foremost, it reassured me that Heavenly Father is looking out for me through all of my struggles with Caleb. I'm not someone who wants to take their struggles to the bishop (in the past, I've hit rock bottom before I've gone to him), but I felt strongly with this particular trial this school year that the bishop needed to know what was going on, and we'd spoke about it several times. Because of that, our bishop knew enough to let the authorities know what was going on with Caleb. It prevented me from even having to do a phone interview with them, which would have sent my anxiety level through the atmosphere, I'm sure.
This experience also taught me about looking at things the right way. I could have been bitter that the primary teacher hadn't talked to me about it before going to the bishop. It's not hard to find out who someone's mum is. I could have been mad that policy dictated that authorities HAD to be called. I didn't get like that, though. I was able to immediately look at it from this viewpoint: Had Caleb been abused by anyone else and for whatever reason felt more comfortable telling his primary teacher than telling me, I am SO GLAD that it would have been taken seriously and not just shrugged off.
But the thing that is most evident from this learning experience, is what it has done for Caleb. He saw how much it tore me down when he lied about me like that. And since then, he has worked insanely harder to keep his anger in check and to not say things that aren't true. He finally had enough of a wake up call to make a difference. We will have a long way to go, his self esteem and self worth issues are still very much there, but for the first time since September, I finally feel like we're making some progress!
Lastly, it says a lot about how far I've come with my anxiety issues that I've been able to handle this situation as well as I did. I seldom feel like I'm doing an okay job as a mother and developing into a better person, but this showed that I am definitely making progress. So as awful and hard as this experience was, I am actually grateful for it. It's so amazing what we can learn to be grateful for if we let ourselves.
To start with, Caleb has been struggling with some really serious mental health issues this school year. I've spent most of the past 9 months stressing about how to best help him and get him the outside help that he needs. I've been being punched, hit, kicked, had things thrown at me and had to protect my other 2 kids while all of this was going on. It has NOT been an easy road. When Caleb started getting violent, I became even more hands off with him. I wouldn't stop him when he was hurting me because I was scared I'd accidentally hurt him. I know that what he was feeling inside must be scary enough, he didn't need that to happen on top of it. Caleb has also been struggling with a serious lack of self esteem and sense of self-worth. There is your background to this story.
A few weeks ago, Caleb was feeling like he needed attention while in his primary class with a newer teacher who didn't know what he's been going through or even that I was Caleb's mum. So he decided to tell a tall tale to get the attention he was seeking and proceeded to tell his primary teacher that I spanked him so hard that his bum bled. Let me be clear, this is NOT EVEN CLOSE to being true. But the teacher didn't know who his mum was, or that Caleb had quickly been turning into a compulsive liar, or all of the other issues that Caleb has had going on. I wasn't even aware that he officially HAD a different primary teacher. So filled with concern for Caleb, she took the matter to the bishopric. When an allegation like that is taken to the bishopric, things HAVE to be handled a certain way. So some sort of authorities were called (to this day, I'm not sure if it was the police, or child services). Luckily, we have an amazing bishop, who called me immediately after, explained what had been said in the classroom and what had to happen because it had been said. He assured me that it was most likely that the worst that would happen would be having do do an interview with them over the phone. He let me know that if I had any problems with child services that I was to let him know and he would be there to help me through it (also helps that my bishop is a lawyer). He reassured me that during the phone call he'd had to make that he'd let them know some of the things that Caleb had been struggling with this year.
As a mother, I was mortified that my child would even say something like that. I still am, to be honest. But that's not the learning experience. First, and foremost, it reassured me that Heavenly Father is looking out for me through all of my struggles with Caleb. I'm not someone who wants to take their struggles to the bishop (in the past, I've hit rock bottom before I've gone to him), but I felt strongly with this particular trial this school year that the bishop needed to know what was going on, and we'd spoke about it several times. Because of that, our bishop knew enough to let the authorities know what was going on with Caleb. It prevented me from even having to do a phone interview with them, which would have sent my anxiety level through the atmosphere, I'm sure.
This experience also taught me about looking at things the right way. I could have been bitter that the primary teacher hadn't talked to me about it before going to the bishop. It's not hard to find out who someone's mum is. I could have been mad that policy dictated that authorities HAD to be called. I didn't get like that, though. I was able to immediately look at it from this viewpoint: Had Caleb been abused by anyone else and for whatever reason felt more comfortable telling his primary teacher than telling me, I am SO GLAD that it would have been taken seriously and not just shrugged off.
But the thing that is most evident from this learning experience, is what it has done for Caleb. He saw how much it tore me down when he lied about me like that. And since then, he has worked insanely harder to keep his anger in check and to not say things that aren't true. He finally had enough of a wake up call to make a difference. We will have a long way to go, his self esteem and self worth issues are still very much there, but for the first time since September, I finally feel like we're making some progress!
Lastly, it says a lot about how far I've come with my anxiety issues that I've been able to handle this situation as well as I did. I seldom feel like I'm doing an okay job as a mother and developing into a better person, but this showed that I am definitely making progress. So as awful and hard as this experience was, I am actually grateful for it. It's so amazing what we can learn to be grateful for if we let ourselves.
Monday, June 2, 2014
Um, I'm Still Here
Okay, it's been over 2 months. I'd say I'm long overdue for a blog post. Since then I have finished my second round of Personal Progress and started on round 3 this morning. I just can't get enough of that program. I am still the Mia Maids adviser in our ward, just under a different presidency. I got to experience pneumonia for the first time in April, which was incorrectly diagnosed as a viral cold the first time I went in to see a doctor. I will NEVER see him again, since I was completely symptomatic for pneumonia and he totally shrugged it off without even ordering chest x-rays. Thankfully, my mother-in-law was here the first week that I had it to take care of the kids, and then my mum and dad both helped me out the second week. Caleb got it as well, but I knew what I was looking for, so he didn't get remotely as sick as I had.
The other week I had a spa day with my mum. It was great to spend some time with her, although it reminded me that I don't relax well (oops). This past weekend I was in Lethbridge for my brother's convocation from the U of L. He earned his Bachelor of Management. I went down with my dad, which means that I had 2 full days without John and the kids. Remember what I said about how I don't relax well? Yeah, still true here. I'm so glad that I was able to go and support him, though. Also, we had an AMAZING (!!!!!!) meal at Firestone on Friday. Hands down the best meal I've ever had in a restaurant.
Now we're buckling down for the last month of the school year (when did that happen?!?). Track and field day this week, pancake breakfast next week, field trip the week after where I'm am volunteering and then after that it will be the last week of school. Throw in a YW leadership meeting, temple recommend interview, child psychiatrist appointment, 2 baby showers, Father's day, camp prep and a birthday party and you end up with a VERY busy month ahead of us. I have YW camp the week after school lets out, which I'm really excited for and desperately praying to not have another lice experience this time around (ha ha).
In even bigger news, we actually get to take summer holidays this year, YAY :D John will be off of work for two and a half weeks. We'll be in Magrath for over a week, home for a day for dental consults for Caleb and Tyrell, and then in North Battleford for a bit to visit my uncle and aunt (under far better circumstances than the last 2 times).
I got to officially let the school know this morning that we will not be keeping Tyrell in kindergarten for a second year next year. They asked us to seriously consider it, but after talking to several people, we decided that we'd prefer him to repeat grade 1 if necessary, rather than kindergarten. I've already started buying school supplies for the boys for next year. (I may or may not absolutely ADORE buying school supplies)
So that's what's be going down and what's in store for the Bly family. I am most looking forward to not being stuck at home all summer this year. What are you looking forward to the most in SUMMER 2014?
The other week I had a spa day with my mum. It was great to spend some time with her, although it reminded me that I don't relax well (oops). This past weekend I was in Lethbridge for my brother's convocation from the U of L. He earned his Bachelor of Management. I went down with my dad, which means that I had 2 full days without John and the kids. Remember what I said about how I don't relax well? Yeah, still true here. I'm so glad that I was able to go and support him, though. Also, we had an AMAZING (!!!!!!) meal at Firestone on Friday. Hands down the best meal I've ever had in a restaurant.
Now we're buckling down for the last month of the school year (when did that happen?!?). Track and field day this week, pancake breakfast next week, field trip the week after where I'm am volunteering and then after that it will be the last week of school. Throw in a YW leadership meeting, temple recommend interview, child psychiatrist appointment, 2 baby showers, Father's day, camp prep and a birthday party and you end up with a VERY busy month ahead of us. I have YW camp the week after school lets out, which I'm really excited for and desperately praying to not have another lice experience this time around (ha ha).
In even bigger news, we actually get to take summer holidays this year, YAY :D John will be off of work for two and a half weeks. We'll be in Magrath for over a week, home for a day for dental consults for Caleb and Tyrell, and then in North Battleford for a bit to visit my uncle and aunt (under far better circumstances than the last 2 times).
I got to officially let the school know this morning that we will not be keeping Tyrell in kindergarten for a second year next year. They asked us to seriously consider it, but after talking to several people, we decided that we'd prefer him to repeat grade 1 if necessary, rather than kindergarten. I've already started buying school supplies for the boys for next year. (I may or may not absolutely ADORE buying school supplies)
So that's what's be going down and what's in store for the Bly family. I am most looking forward to not being stuck at home all summer this year. What are you looking forward to the most in SUMMER 2014?
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