January began with the passing of the prophet, President Thomas S Monson. I loved hearing him talk and tell stories in his comforting grandfather voice. He was a shining example of humble service. He will be greatly missed. My boys were very sad. Caleb was only a toddler when President Hinckley passed away, so this is the first time he has gone through this, really. It was so comforting to know that the Lord already had a plan in place for who would next lead the church, under His direction. I could see in the past couple of years how President Nelson was being prepared to take up the task, and grew in my love for him and his devotion to doing the work of the Lord.
I started reading again this past month, which was a big deal. I had stopped reading when I got really sick last year, so it's nice to be enjoying something that has been a lifelong hobby for me. Brettley also hit a reading milestone and is officially reading grade 2 level books now. I suspect he'll get to grade 3 books before the end of the year. Caleb is now reading high school level books, and apparently asking college level questions in science class. Ty has grown to love reading so much this year, which is such a joy to see.
I began my calling in nursery and was surprised by how quickly I fell in love with it. I had been in nursery when we left Edmonton and it had never been a happy place for me there, but here I instantly felt connected to these young ones and love their sweet little spirits. They are truly a joy to be around.
I discovered bullet journaling this month. It's a system that was made for me, I'm sure. I love lists, calendars, being organized, office supplies, and this combines them all. I've been loving it!
I finally got around to making a large wall calendar project that I'd been wanting to make for the past several years. John was a big help with it.
I got to see C, L's mom, when we were out shopping one day, which was a wonderful experience.
I have started walking more, outside and doing steps inside when it's too cold or icy. I found this really cool thing where it tells you the distances between locations from Middle Earth (Tolkien's world), so I'm using that to set goals for myself.
Last weekend I attended our Stake Relief Society Conference, which was amazing. I attended 2 classes. The first was 'The Courage to be Imperfect' which referenced Elder Holland's October 2017 talk quite a bit. The second class I went to was 'Don't Look Around, Look Up' where we talked a lot about the need to look to the Lord instead of comparing ourselves to others. We all got to listen to Dr Wayne Burton talk as well as play and sing for us. There was a wonderful luncheon afterward. I'm so glad I got to have that uplifting experience.
Yesterday was Bell Let's Talk, which I actively participated in to help fundraise, but also to bring awareness about the need that still exists for more education for the general public, more research and better access to supports. Obviously, this is something that is very near and dear to my heart. Caleb had a psychiatrist appointment yesterday and he gets to come off of his last medication. It was a very happy victory to see him have come this far from where we were even 2 years ago. He is such a brave little fighter.
The goings on of our geeky little family and the musings and soapbox moments of the lone female in the group.
Showing posts with label Health. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Health. Show all posts
Thursday, February 1, 2018
Sunday, January 14, 2018
(Very Late) 2017 Q&A
What can I say? I'm a few weeks behind, ha ha.
1) What did you do in 2017 that you'd never done before?
Made a move across the province based totally on faith, joined a school council, see Queen + Adam Lambert in concert, canning vegetables.
2) Did you keep your new year's resolutions and will you make more for next year?
To play more games with my kids, yes. To be healthier, not so much.
3) Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nope.
4) Did anyone close to you die?
Yes, my brother-in-law
5) What countries did you visit?
As usual, we didn't even leave our province.
6) What would you like to have in 2018 that you lacked in 2017?
Better anxiety management.
7) What dates from 2017 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
November 7th, for sure, the night that my brother-in-law's mortal journey came to a quick and unexpected end. Also, June 16th because it was the day we finally moved to Magrath. July 4th, for the concert, as well.
8) What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Honestly, getting through it was my biggest achievement. I was battling some extremely big trials.
9) What was your biggest failure?
I don't know that I'd call anything a failure, they were all learning experiences. (exactly what I said last year, but it still holds)
10) Did you or someone close suffer illness or injury?
Brettley's ear was sliced open really bad in November.
11) What was the best thing you bought?
The concert tickets!
12) Where did most of your money go?
A lot went toward moving, and we had to put quite a bit in to our van as well.
13) What song will always remind you of 2017?
Believer by Imagine Dragons
14) Compared the this time last year are you more happy or more sad?
I think (?) I'm happier. I was struggling a lot with anxiety at this time last year. I'm getting a good handle on my life the past couple of weeks and I feel positive about the future, so I'm definitely improving.
15) What do you wish you'd done more of?
Learning how to manage my anxiety better. That is probably my biggest goal for this year.
16) What do you wish you'd done less of?
Being depressed (?). Not a lot I could do about it, but I wish I hadn't needed to go through it.
17) How did you spend Christmas?
We did Christmas morning in our house (our nephew was here as well). Then we hosted a movie day in our garage for our most of our nieces and nephews, had supper with everyone (lasagna, garlic bread and Caesar salad) and then played Dungeons and Dragons with several of our nieces and nephews.
18) What was your favourite TV program?
Gilmore Girls (rewatching the series for the 5th time right now) and I got in to watching The Good Doctor.
19) What were your favourite books of the year?
All of the James L Ferrell books I read. They were all amazing.
20) What were your favourite treats/food in 2017?
Miss Vickie's Sea Salt and Malt Vinegar Chips (as always), SASH pizza and bacon.
21) What were your favourite movies of the year?
Fantastic Beast and Where to Find Them. And Moana.
22) What did you do on your birthday and how old were you?
I turned 33. My dad was here that week, my brother came for a visit and I had very bad brain fog adjusting to a new dosage of my meds. Oh, I also had a few appointments that day.
23) What one thing would have made your year measurably more satisfying?
Not struggling with severe anxiety and depression.
24) How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2017?
If it fits and it's comfy then we're good, ha ha. (same as last year)
25) What kept you sane?
John, my niece (Charli), Aunt Christine, Alicia, Gilmore Girls and Dr Pepper
26) What was a valuable life lesson you learned in 2017?
Trusting in Heavenly Father and acting upon that trust, even when you can't see how things can possibly work out, will result in blessings that you can't even imagine at the time.
Also, don't try to fight your battles alone. Ask for help when you need it!
Finally, that severe depressive cycles won't last forever. YAY!
1) What did you do in 2017 that you'd never done before?
Made a move across the province based totally on faith, joined a school council, see Queen + Adam Lambert in concert, canning vegetables.
2) Did you keep your new year's resolutions and will you make more for next year?
To play more games with my kids, yes. To be healthier, not so much.
3) Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nope.
4) Did anyone close to you die?
Yes, my brother-in-law
5) What countries did you visit?
As usual, we didn't even leave our province.
6) What would you like to have in 2018 that you lacked in 2017?
Better anxiety management.
7) What dates from 2017 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
November 7th, for sure, the night that my brother-in-law's mortal journey came to a quick and unexpected end. Also, June 16th because it was the day we finally moved to Magrath. July 4th, for the concert, as well.
8) What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Honestly, getting through it was my biggest achievement. I was battling some extremely big trials.
9) What was your biggest failure?
I don't know that I'd call anything a failure, they were all learning experiences. (exactly what I said last year, but it still holds)
10) Did you or someone close suffer illness or injury?
Brettley's ear was sliced open really bad in November.
11) What was the best thing you bought?
The concert tickets!
12) Where did most of your money go?
A lot went toward moving, and we had to put quite a bit in to our van as well.
13) What song will always remind you of 2017?
Believer by Imagine Dragons
14) Compared the this time last year are you more happy or more sad?
I think (?) I'm happier. I was struggling a lot with anxiety at this time last year. I'm getting a good handle on my life the past couple of weeks and I feel positive about the future, so I'm definitely improving.
15) What do you wish you'd done more of?
Learning how to manage my anxiety better. That is probably my biggest goal for this year.
16) What do you wish you'd done less of?
Being depressed (?). Not a lot I could do about it, but I wish I hadn't needed to go through it.
17) How did you spend Christmas?
We did Christmas morning in our house (our nephew was here as well). Then we hosted a movie day in our garage for our most of our nieces and nephews, had supper with everyone (lasagna, garlic bread and Caesar salad) and then played Dungeons and Dragons with several of our nieces and nephews.
18) What was your favourite TV program?
Gilmore Girls (rewatching the series for the 5th time right now) and I got in to watching The Good Doctor.
19) What were your favourite books of the year?
All of the James L Ferrell books I read. They were all amazing.
20) What were your favourite treats/food in 2017?
Miss Vickie's Sea Salt and Malt Vinegar Chips (as always), SASH pizza and bacon.
21) What were your favourite movies of the year?
Fantastic Beast and Where to Find Them. And Moana.
22) What did you do on your birthday and how old were you?
I turned 33. My dad was here that week, my brother came for a visit and I had very bad brain fog adjusting to a new dosage of my meds. Oh, I also had a few appointments that day.
23) What one thing would have made your year measurably more satisfying?
Not struggling with severe anxiety and depression.
24) How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2017?
If it fits and it's comfy then we're good, ha ha. (same as last year)
25) What kept you sane?
John, my niece (Charli), Aunt Christine, Alicia, Gilmore Girls and Dr Pepper
26) What was a valuable life lesson you learned in 2017?
Trusting in Heavenly Father and acting upon that trust, even when you can't see how things can possibly work out, will result in blessings that you can't even imagine at the time.
Also, don't try to fight your battles alone. Ask for help when you need it!
Finally, that severe depressive cycles won't last forever. YAY!
Monday, November 6, 2017
Belated Birthday Post aka Nikki Turned 33
So I feel like I'm not blogging often enough. This is the only journal I keep for myself and our family, unless you include things like Facebook and Instagram. I realized that I did fact about Caleb and Ty for their birthdays, but I didn't do facts for me about mine (probably because I was in a medication fog at the time). So I'm doing them now. My belated 33 facts about myself for my 33rd birthday.
1) Growing up, my favourite colour was blue. In the past 10 years it changed to purple, as that's the colour for pancreatic cancer awareness. Plus, purple is awesome!
2) My state of mind is almost always directly related to how clean or organized my house is.
3) When I was upset about something as a teenager I would deep clean and rearrange my room.
4) I don't really like chocolate, never really have. Most of it gives me toothaches.
5) I have a slight obsession with Dr Pepper. Okay, I'll own it, it's more like an addiction.
6) I have acquired a cat since moving to Magrath. It was sort of a family cat before that occasionally showed up here, but now (especially since it's snowy and cold) he's over here hanging out more often than not. His name is Webster and I love him.
7) I am severely terrified of mice. Like, whenever we've had mice in the past (thanks, town homes) I left home until it was 'safe' to come back. This might be one of the reasons I love having Webbie around so much.
8) I joined The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints when I was 19. I am deeply grateful for the perspective that being an adult convert gives me.
9) I am currently growing my hair out. It has been short for years, but it's too hard to maintain it as short as I like it and the wind down here demands the option of a ponytail.
10) I love sour or salty snacks. Miss Vickie's Sea Salt and Malt Vinegar chips are probably one of my favourite snacking foods of all time.
11) I reached a huge milestone this year. I have accepted and embraced my current weight and size. It has lifted a huge weight off of my shoulders and I wish I'd done it years ago. Nevertheless, I'm grateful to be at this point now.
12) I currently hold a position on my boys' school council.
13) This summer I went to my first concert ever with a good friend.
14) I have an incredibly diverse taste in music. My playlists include everything from classical to alternative, country to punk, gospel to metal, and several other genres.
15) I love baking, I just am not a fan of doing the dishes afterward.
16) I have made homemade perogies, pickled beets, nylysnyky, cabbage rolls, sausage and sauerkraut. I love my Ukrainian ancestry.
17) I find quads boring because I grew up driving a trike and I miss being able to steer that easily.
18) I have driven a combine and harvested canola before.
19) I have always be a pretty good shot with firearms. My uncle was so sad the day I declared I wouldn't hunt when I turned 12.
20) I am incredibly allergic to canola pollen. I have to take Benedryl every night and alternate between daytime allergy meds during the days to be able to function when it's in bloom.
21) I was a cheerleader in grade 12.
22) I don't eat anything that lived in water. Fish, shellfish, seaweed, any of it.
23) I am very sensitive to the smell of pineapple, particularly if it has been canned.
24) I started reading at the age of 4 and have loved reading ever since.
25) My favourite book, contrary to what most people think, is not a Harry Potter book. It's To Kill a Mockingbird.
26) My favourite movie is Lord of the Rings: Return of the King, Extended Edition.
27) I am not good at auditory learning. If I don't see it happen or read the words, I have a hard time retaining what was said to me. It cracks me up that I love music so much and am so good at understand the lyrics, because it totally goes against how this usually works for me.
28) My favourite food is bacon. I LOVE bacon!
29) I have 2 people from mine and John's first primary class that I still keep in touch with. They have become dear friends and like family to me. They are now 18 and have become amazing young adults.
30) I intentionally don't put my kids in activities outside of church ones because I hate the idea of being an over-scheduled family. Our lazy evenings and weekends are precious to me.
31) I love reading books that help me learn more about the gospel. This year I've really been enjoying the books written by James L. Ferrell.
32) I had a Cabbage Patch Doll while I was growing up. Her name was Winifred and I called her Winner. I saw a Cabbage Patch Doll identical to her on a TV show this past week and it made me super excited. I think John wasn't sure what to do with me.
33) I love playing Dungeons and Dragons. We had an amazing group we played with in Edmonton. We still play together online, but I sure miss gaming together in person and having yummy treats along with it.
1) Growing up, my favourite colour was blue. In the past 10 years it changed to purple, as that's the colour for pancreatic cancer awareness. Plus, purple is awesome!
2) My state of mind is almost always directly related to how clean or organized my house is.
3) When I was upset about something as a teenager I would deep clean and rearrange my room.
4) I don't really like chocolate, never really have. Most of it gives me toothaches.
5) I have a slight obsession with Dr Pepper. Okay, I'll own it, it's more like an addiction.
6) I have acquired a cat since moving to Magrath. It was sort of a family cat before that occasionally showed up here, but now (especially since it's snowy and cold) he's over here hanging out more often than not. His name is Webster and I love him.
7) I am severely terrified of mice. Like, whenever we've had mice in the past (thanks, town homes) I left home until it was 'safe' to come back. This might be one of the reasons I love having Webbie around so much.
8) I joined The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints when I was 19. I am deeply grateful for the perspective that being an adult convert gives me.
9) I am currently growing my hair out. It has been short for years, but it's too hard to maintain it as short as I like it and the wind down here demands the option of a ponytail.
10) I love sour or salty snacks. Miss Vickie's Sea Salt and Malt Vinegar chips are probably one of my favourite snacking foods of all time.
11) I reached a huge milestone this year. I have accepted and embraced my current weight and size. It has lifted a huge weight off of my shoulders and I wish I'd done it years ago. Nevertheless, I'm grateful to be at this point now.
12) I currently hold a position on my boys' school council.
13) This summer I went to my first concert ever with a good friend.
14) I have an incredibly diverse taste in music. My playlists include everything from classical to alternative, country to punk, gospel to metal, and several other genres.
15) I love baking, I just am not a fan of doing the dishes afterward.
16) I have made homemade perogies, pickled beets, nylysnyky, cabbage rolls, sausage and sauerkraut. I love my Ukrainian ancestry.
17) I find quads boring because I grew up driving a trike and I miss being able to steer that easily.
18) I have driven a combine and harvested canola before.
19) I have always be a pretty good shot with firearms. My uncle was so sad the day I declared I wouldn't hunt when I turned 12.
20) I am incredibly allergic to canola pollen. I have to take Benedryl every night and alternate between daytime allergy meds during the days to be able to function when it's in bloom.
21) I was a cheerleader in grade 12.
22) I don't eat anything that lived in water. Fish, shellfish, seaweed, any of it.
23) I am very sensitive to the smell of pineapple, particularly if it has been canned.
24) I started reading at the age of 4 and have loved reading ever since.
25) My favourite book, contrary to what most people think, is not a Harry Potter book. It's To Kill a Mockingbird.
26) My favourite movie is Lord of the Rings: Return of the King, Extended Edition.
27) I am not good at auditory learning. If I don't see it happen or read the words, I have a hard time retaining what was said to me. It cracks me up that I love music so much and am so good at understand the lyrics, because it totally goes against how this usually works for me.
28) My favourite food is bacon. I LOVE bacon!
29) I have 2 people from mine and John's first primary class that I still keep in touch with. They have become dear friends and like family to me. They are now 18 and have become amazing young adults.
30) I intentionally don't put my kids in activities outside of church ones because I hate the idea of being an over-scheduled family. Our lazy evenings and weekends are precious to me.
31) I love reading books that help me learn more about the gospel. This year I've really been enjoying the books written by James L. Ferrell.
32) I had a Cabbage Patch Doll while I was growing up. Her name was Winifred and I called her Winner. I saw a Cabbage Patch Doll identical to her on a TV show this past week and it made me super excited. I think John wasn't sure what to do with me.
33) I love playing Dungeons and Dragons. We had an amazing group we played with in Edmonton. We still play together online, but I sure miss gaming together in person and having yummy treats along with it.
Monday, October 23, 2017
Blog Post #500
I just finished frosting and piping Ty's birthday cake. He turned 9 today. As I was squeezing blue icing out of a tube to make a lightning bolt and write a message on his cake, the irony of the situation was definitely not lost on me. In fact, it was screaming loudly, demanding to be heard. The last time I did any piping on a cake was for Ty's first birthday. I won't cherry coat this post, so this is your warning to turn back if you don't want the details.
My "on this day" on Facebook has been so kind the past few months to remind me that this time 8 years ago I had entered the worst depression cycle of my bipolar disorder that I'd ever experienced. John's parents came up for Ty's first birthday. Not because we'd asked them to come celebrate with us, but because they came to pick up our 2 boys to go stay with them for a couple of weeks. Not because we wanted the boys to have a super fun time with Grandma and Grandpa, but because I was non functioning. I couldn't even take care of myself, let alone 2 very young boys. Over the next half a year after that, my boys would spend many weeks down here with their grandparents as we tried desperately to figure out the best way to help get me okay again.
Here is the irony that I was mentioning I felt. I am currently struggling with the worst depressive episode I've had in the last 8 years. After our move down here I could feel myself sinking, but at first I thought it was because John was still working up in Edmonton and that once he was down here things would level out a bit again. Well, he got here over 2 months ago. Things kept getting steadily worse instead of better, especially once the boys started school. I went from having a clearly defined purpose last year as a full time mother and teacher to having nothing and no one to keep me occupied during the day for five days a week. I don't know who I am anymore. I've wondered a lot why we are counselled very heavily to be at home when our kids our young if possible, but no counsel is given about what to do once they're all in school full time. I feel so lost. I am still without a calling (other than being a visiting teacher).
By the time Caleb's birthday rolled around last month, I had severe, debilitating anxiety attacks daily. I absolutely had no desire to read anymore, which if you know me you would know is a clear sign that something was very wrong. I no longer had a desire to live. My mind began formulating plans about how and when would be the best way to commit suicide. I was able ignore it when it was just the 'when'. However, as soon as the 'how' came, I told John how bad things had gotten.
A few days after I told John I was already in an appointment with our new family doctor telling him how bad things were with me. Bless that man's heart, I definitely chose a wonderful doctor for our family. He started me back on meds. He arranged an appointment for me with a short term counselor. He asked me to come back in a week. I had my niece with me during the days that week, and we asked my dad come and stay with me for the following week. I knew I was a danger to myself, and we took steps to ensure I was safe.
That next week, while my dad was here, I had to up my dosage from the starting dose to the next dosage as ordered by my doctor. That was the night before my birthday. Now, if you've ever taken Seroquel or are close to someone who has, you know that adjusting to Seroquel makes you exhausted beyond reason. The brain fog is awful and all you want to do all of the time is fall asleep right where you are. You basically look stoned and really aren't coherent. That's how I spent my birthday as I first met with the short term counselor and then with my family doctor.
The meeting with the counselor went well, but she felt I would be better off with someone who does long term counselling, so she asked if I was okay with that. I knew that was what I needed, so I agreed and we got that going. She had me start to fill out my safety plan to help keep me safe. Then I met with my doctor, who decided that we were going to cover all of our bases and he referred me to a psychiatrist as well.
I was able to meet with my new counselor the following week. I felt very quickly that she would be a very good fit for me. I find it incredibly easy to talk to her, and we share several common interests. We meet again next Tuesday. Since then I've met with my doctor again and I got an appointment set with the psychiatrist for Nov 28. I'm also on the cancellation list for that, so it could be sooner.
It baffles me how quickly things move down here. Within a month of me telling John how bad I'd gotten, I've had 3 doctor appointments, 2 counseling appointments and have a psychiatrist appointment booked for just over a month from now. I'm not used to things moving this quickly, but I sure appreciate it.
This past Sunday I forced myself to go to church because it was our ward's Primary Presentation. More particularly, it was Caleb's last Primary Presentation. Church is painfully hard for me when I'm struggling with anxiety. Sitting still in a room full of people is about the most torturous thing for my anxiety. I was blessed to make it through Sacrament Meeting without any major issues. They sure hit during Sunday School, though. During my second panic attack, our bishop happened upon us. He invited John and I in to his office, where John gave him an extremely brief overview about what's been going on. Bishop asked me if I would like a blessing, which I did. It was so helpful. Our bishop also asked me to work up to walking for an hour outside every single day. I felt well enough after the blessing to try to go to Relief Society. I walked in and sat off to the side by myself. John's aunt immediately motioned for me to move my chair next to her. She then put her arm around me for about half of the lesson. She didn't know the details about what was wrong. She just knew I needed comfort and she gave it, no questions asked. I thanked Heavenly Father right then and there for her.
John and I went for a walk yesterday after our family dinner, and I went for another this morning. Despite the windy walks making me very tired, I did feel better during both of them. I did feel calm and peace while I was walking.
Now, I'm not all better right now. In fact, I'm painfully aware that it will be a long road before I level out again. And that's a good thing, because it means it'll be less likely to act like a yo-yo and just keep swinging from hypomanic to depression. In fact, on the whole, things still feel horribly sucky a lot of the time right now. But I'm still here. I'm still fighting. And THAT is a win.
I've known for this past month that I wanted to write about this part of my personal journey with mental illness and mental health for my post #500. I want to make a difference. I want to be an inspiration to others who feel like the fight isn't worth it. Because it doesn't always feel like it. When you struggle with feeling severely depressed and suicidal, you have many times where it feels impossible to want to keep going. I want to be that proof that those days don't last forever, and that there's a way to get past them without devastating your family and/or friends. In my safety plan I had to list my reasons for living. In addition to my family, one of the things I wrote was that I can't help others if I give in to this. So I will stay and I will continue this fight, even in the many moments right now that it doesn't feel worth it. Because once I get through it, having fought through it will mean everything.
My "on this day" on Facebook has been so kind the past few months to remind me that this time 8 years ago I had entered the worst depression cycle of my bipolar disorder that I'd ever experienced. John's parents came up for Ty's first birthday. Not because we'd asked them to come celebrate with us, but because they came to pick up our 2 boys to go stay with them for a couple of weeks. Not because we wanted the boys to have a super fun time with Grandma and Grandpa, but because I was non functioning. I couldn't even take care of myself, let alone 2 very young boys. Over the next half a year after that, my boys would spend many weeks down here with their grandparents as we tried desperately to figure out the best way to help get me okay again.
Here is the irony that I was mentioning I felt. I am currently struggling with the worst depressive episode I've had in the last 8 years. After our move down here I could feel myself sinking, but at first I thought it was because John was still working up in Edmonton and that once he was down here things would level out a bit again. Well, he got here over 2 months ago. Things kept getting steadily worse instead of better, especially once the boys started school. I went from having a clearly defined purpose last year as a full time mother and teacher to having nothing and no one to keep me occupied during the day for five days a week. I don't know who I am anymore. I've wondered a lot why we are counselled very heavily to be at home when our kids our young if possible, but no counsel is given about what to do once they're all in school full time. I feel so lost. I am still without a calling (other than being a visiting teacher).
By the time Caleb's birthday rolled around last month, I had severe, debilitating anxiety attacks daily. I absolutely had no desire to read anymore, which if you know me you would know is a clear sign that something was very wrong. I no longer had a desire to live. My mind began formulating plans about how and when would be the best way to commit suicide. I was able ignore it when it was just the 'when'. However, as soon as the 'how' came, I told John how bad things had gotten.
A few days after I told John I was already in an appointment with our new family doctor telling him how bad things were with me. Bless that man's heart, I definitely chose a wonderful doctor for our family. He started me back on meds. He arranged an appointment for me with a short term counselor. He asked me to come back in a week. I had my niece with me during the days that week, and we asked my dad come and stay with me for the following week. I knew I was a danger to myself, and we took steps to ensure I was safe.
That next week, while my dad was here, I had to up my dosage from the starting dose to the next dosage as ordered by my doctor. That was the night before my birthday. Now, if you've ever taken Seroquel or are close to someone who has, you know that adjusting to Seroquel makes you exhausted beyond reason. The brain fog is awful and all you want to do all of the time is fall asleep right where you are. You basically look stoned and really aren't coherent. That's how I spent my birthday as I first met with the short term counselor and then with my family doctor.
The meeting with the counselor went well, but she felt I would be better off with someone who does long term counselling, so she asked if I was okay with that. I knew that was what I needed, so I agreed and we got that going. She had me start to fill out my safety plan to help keep me safe. Then I met with my doctor, who decided that we were going to cover all of our bases and he referred me to a psychiatrist as well.
I was able to meet with my new counselor the following week. I felt very quickly that she would be a very good fit for me. I find it incredibly easy to talk to her, and we share several common interests. We meet again next Tuesday. Since then I've met with my doctor again and I got an appointment set with the psychiatrist for Nov 28. I'm also on the cancellation list for that, so it could be sooner.
It baffles me how quickly things move down here. Within a month of me telling John how bad I'd gotten, I've had 3 doctor appointments, 2 counseling appointments and have a psychiatrist appointment booked for just over a month from now. I'm not used to things moving this quickly, but I sure appreciate it.
This past Sunday I forced myself to go to church because it was our ward's Primary Presentation. More particularly, it was Caleb's last Primary Presentation. Church is painfully hard for me when I'm struggling with anxiety. Sitting still in a room full of people is about the most torturous thing for my anxiety. I was blessed to make it through Sacrament Meeting without any major issues. They sure hit during Sunday School, though. During my second panic attack, our bishop happened upon us. He invited John and I in to his office, where John gave him an extremely brief overview about what's been going on. Bishop asked me if I would like a blessing, which I did. It was so helpful. Our bishop also asked me to work up to walking for an hour outside every single day. I felt well enough after the blessing to try to go to Relief Society. I walked in and sat off to the side by myself. John's aunt immediately motioned for me to move my chair next to her. She then put her arm around me for about half of the lesson. She didn't know the details about what was wrong. She just knew I needed comfort and she gave it, no questions asked. I thanked Heavenly Father right then and there for her.
John and I went for a walk yesterday after our family dinner, and I went for another this morning. Despite the windy walks making me very tired, I did feel better during both of them. I did feel calm and peace while I was walking.
Now, I'm not all better right now. In fact, I'm painfully aware that it will be a long road before I level out again. And that's a good thing, because it means it'll be less likely to act like a yo-yo and just keep swinging from hypomanic to depression. In fact, on the whole, things still feel horribly sucky a lot of the time right now. But I'm still here. I'm still fighting. And THAT is a win.
I've known for this past month that I wanted to write about this part of my personal journey with mental illness and mental health for my post #500. I want to make a difference. I want to be an inspiration to others who feel like the fight isn't worth it. Because it doesn't always feel like it. When you struggle with feeling severely depressed and suicidal, you have many times where it feels impossible to want to keep going. I want to be that proof that those days don't last forever, and that there's a way to get past them without devastating your family and/or friends. In my safety plan I had to list my reasons for living. In addition to my family, one of the things I wrote was that I can't help others if I give in to this. So I will stay and I will continue this fight, even in the many moments right now that it doesn't feel worth it. Because once I get through it, having fought through it will mean everything.
Wednesday, June 28, 2017
June Part 2: We've Officially Moved
I decided to get this done today since I have gardening and cleaning to do tomorrow and John will be here on Friday.
We got here on the evening of Fri 16 June. The next day a few men from the ward came to help us unload the moving van. I was meant to be helping direct where things were going, but Ty injured his knee pretty badly right as people showed up so I was busy calming him down and trying my best to clean his knee up for most of that time. We've been through a few minor injuries down here already, ha ha.
On Sunday we met with our new bishop, which was probably the most relaxed meeting I have ever had with a bishop/branch president. It was really good. He sounded so excited to have a new "young" family in the ward and was so happy when I said I was ready to accept a calling as soon as one came for me. The very next day I was asked if I would be willing to substitute in Primary for the summer until I have an official calling. I felt needed right away and it was a great feeling.
We got the address on our licenses changed, got Caleb's prescription from the pharmacy, got our Shaw hooked up, I met with the principal, registered the boys with the school for the fall and bought a family pool pass for the summer.
John went back to Edmonton and did the final walk through to hand back our townhouse. We officially have no home up there anymore. He bought me a bike last weekend. I'm excited to get it tomorrow!
I have loved being able to send Caleb to the store if I need something and he's really enjoyed picking the mail up for me from the post office each day. I got to substitute teach the Valiant 11 class this past weekend. There are 4 girls in the class, so it was very similar to teaching Beehives. They were a lot of fun.
The boys all camped out in a tent on Sunday night and on Monday it was just Caleb and his cousin, which they really enjoyed. We've started helping in the garden. We spend about an hour out there each morning. I have so many more opportunities to be active down here, which it great. The only downside has been that mine and Caleb's allergies have been way worse down here. Hopefully we'll eventually adapt.
This afternoon I got a surprise visit from one of my nieces. It was a great afternoon and we got some yummy ice cream Slurpee's together. She is going to help watch my kids for most of the summer, so it will be great to have her here so much.
Caleb went to the pool by himself this afternoon and made a friend while he was there. It was such a HUGE step for my boy who struggles so much with anxiety. It was definitely testament to how beneficial this move has been for him. He is thriving! We all are!
We got here on the evening of Fri 16 June. The next day a few men from the ward came to help us unload the moving van. I was meant to be helping direct where things were going, but Ty injured his knee pretty badly right as people showed up so I was busy calming him down and trying my best to clean his knee up for most of that time. We've been through a few minor injuries down here already, ha ha.
On Sunday we met with our new bishop, which was probably the most relaxed meeting I have ever had with a bishop/branch president. It was really good. He sounded so excited to have a new "young" family in the ward and was so happy when I said I was ready to accept a calling as soon as one came for me. The very next day I was asked if I would be willing to substitute in Primary for the summer until I have an official calling. I felt needed right away and it was a great feeling.
We got the address on our licenses changed, got Caleb's prescription from the pharmacy, got our Shaw hooked up, I met with the principal, registered the boys with the school for the fall and bought a family pool pass for the summer.
John went back to Edmonton and did the final walk through to hand back our townhouse. We officially have no home up there anymore. He bought me a bike last weekend. I'm excited to get it tomorrow!
I have loved being able to send Caleb to the store if I need something and he's really enjoyed picking the mail up for me from the post office each day. I got to substitute teach the Valiant 11 class this past weekend. There are 4 girls in the class, so it was very similar to teaching Beehives. They were a lot of fun.
The boys all camped out in a tent on Sunday night and on Monday it was just Caleb and his cousin, which they really enjoyed. We've started helping in the garden. We spend about an hour out there each morning. I have so many more opportunities to be active down here, which it great. The only downside has been that mine and Caleb's allergies have been way worse down here. Hopefully we'll eventually adapt.
This afternoon I got a surprise visit from one of my nieces. It was a great afternoon and we got some yummy ice cream Slurpee's together. She is going to help watch my kids for most of the summer, so it will be great to have her here so much.
Caleb went to the pool by himself this afternoon and made a friend while he was there. It was such a HUGE step for my boy who struggles so much with anxiety. It was definitely testament to how beneficial this move has been for him. He is thriving! We all are!
Monday, February 13, 2017
February Part 1
A while back Caleb and Brettley moved Ty in with them, so we had a room that wasn't doing anything. The boys and I talked together and decided we wanted a designated school room. So thanks to John and a few friends, we took out the bed that was in there and moved the desks, bookcase and organizers to our new school room. I like having it a lot more than I liked being in the living room or in the dining room.
My friend decided that she wasn't letting me miss out on a concert I was so disappointed to miss last time, so we got our tickets to Queen + Adam Lambert for July. I am very excited to go with her.
I had a few setbacks with my mental health, but I also had a few victories as well, which is awesome. I braved Costco and was able to get through all 3 hours of church the other weekend. Those are major wins after how tough things have been.
This past week John and I went on a double date with our friends to (finally) see Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them. I loved it. They did an amazing job and it was so refreshing to go in to that movie with no expectations from reading the book first.
The boys and I have also been rewatching the Harry Potter movies since Caleb and Tyrell and both reading the books for free reading during school.
Brettley turned 6 years old on Saturday. The day before he went on his special outting with Grandma and Grandpa to West Edmonton Mall. They went mini golfing, had lunch, went to the Disney store and a few other things. For his birthday he got night vision goggles, beginner Snap Circuits, Classic Lego, money, a lego tank kit, and a Batman shirt.
Brettley has grown so much since he was born 7 weeks early. It's hard to remember now that I was terrified of him when he was first born. He was so tiny and I was so scared I'd somehow manage to break him. Mind you, all of the wires he had that I needed to navigate didn't help much. He is now the sweetest little guy with such a kind heart. He loves the colour red, pizza, PAW Patrol, Frozen and trains. He has taken to reading like a fish to water. I am so impressed with how easily he learns new things. I sure love him. He was the best surprise I've ever had.
My friend decided that she wasn't letting me miss out on a concert I was so disappointed to miss last time, so we got our tickets to Queen + Adam Lambert for July. I am very excited to go with her.
I had a few setbacks with my mental health, but I also had a few victories as well, which is awesome. I braved Costco and was able to get through all 3 hours of church the other weekend. Those are major wins after how tough things have been.
This past week John and I went on a double date with our friends to (finally) see Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them. I loved it. They did an amazing job and it was so refreshing to go in to that movie with no expectations from reading the book first.
The boys and I have also been rewatching the Harry Potter movies since Caleb and Tyrell and both reading the books for free reading during school.
Brettley turned 6 years old on Saturday. The day before he went on his special outting with Grandma and Grandpa to West Edmonton Mall. They went mini golfing, had lunch, went to the Disney store and a few other things. For his birthday he got night vision goggles, beginner Snap Circuits, Classic Lego, money, a lego tank kit, and a Batman shirt.
Brettley has grown so much since he was born 7 weeks early. It's hard to remember now that I was terrified of him when he was first born. He was so tiny and I was so scared I'd somehow manage to break him. Mind you, all of the wires he had that I needed to navigate didn't help much. He is now the sweetest little guy with such a kind heart. He loves the colour red, pizza, PAW Patrol, Frozen and trains. He has taken to reading like a fish to water. I am so impressed with how easily he learns new things. I sure love him. He was the best surprise I've ever had.
Sunday, January 29, 2017
January 2017
I started my month with an allergic reaction. I jokingly attributed it to the carbon tax because the timing was just too good. Our best guess is that I actually have a slight allergy to cats. Who knew?
Caleb spent several days at my mum and step-dad's house. He got to go sledding a few times and caught a brook trout while ice fishing. He also learned to sew and helped to make himself a blanket that folds up into a pillow. He was so proud of himself.
We switched over from Telus to Shaw after a long time of being frustrated with the service we were getting from Telus. We're pretty happy with the switch.
Ty has started wanting to help cook suppers. He actually does a great job and I love his enthusiasm. He made Egg Roll Bowl almost entirely by himself and it was delicious.
The boys each got some penpals this month. Most of the penpals are other kids who do home school, but we have a couple of Utah penpals now too. We love that family in Utah!
True to my goal, I've been playing some games with the kids. Ty beat me in Lord of the Rings Monopoly. I was very shocked, I don't lose at that game very often. All of our practice is helping Caleb become better at handling disappointment, which is wonderful.
Brettley had his third strabismus surgery on the 23rd. He had a great attitude at the hospital right until he was given anesthetic. He woke up very miserable, though. After a while he had a "magic" Popsicle, which helped turned things around a bit. He is healing slowly but surely and hopefully his eye won't be red soon enough.
We received an amazing gift from my sister and her boyfriend. The bought our family a year's membership to the Telus World of Science. We couldn't go yesterday or this next Saturday, so we're going to go on Brettley's birthday the weekend after. Our plan is to go once per month. I feel so blessed and cried when we got that gift.
I was very active online for #BellLetsTalk day this year. I ripped open a lot of wounds to be very honest and raise awareness and help pave the way for others to be willing to talk about their mental health. It wasn't an easy day with dredging it all up, but I had many people tell me that it meant a lot to them, and that made it 100% worth it.
Caleb finished his grade 5 science work and asked for a grade 6 workbook, so we're waiting for that to come in the mail. Brettley finished up his social studies, science and math, so we're focusing solely on language arts now with him for core subjects. Ty finished his language arts, which he was thrilled about. He'll finish up science this week. It's amazing how fast they finish things when they don't have all of that busy work. It will give us more time to focus on strengthening the areas where they struggle.
That's basically been our month. I figure if I do this at least once a month then I will have the basics on here even if I don't get much else.
Caleb spent several days at my mum and step-dad's house. He got to go sledding a few times and caught a brook trout while ice fishing. He also learned to sew and helped to make himself a blanket that folds up into a pillow. He was so proud of himself.
We switched over from Telus to Shaw after a long time of being frustrated with the service we were getting from Telus. We're pretty happy with the switch.
Ty has started wanting to help cook suppers. He actually does a great job and I love his enthusiasm. He made Egg Roll Bowl almost entirely by himself and it was delicious.
The boys each got some penpals this month. Most of the penpals are other kids who do home school, but we have a couple of Utah penpals now too. We love that family in Utah!
True to my goal, I've been playing some games with the kids. Ty beat me in Lord of the Rings Monopoly. I was very shocked, I don't lose at that game very often. All of our practice is helping Caleb become better at handling disappointment, which is wonderful.
Brettley had his third strabismus surgery on the 23rd. He had a great attitude at the hospital right until he was given anesthetic. He woke up very miserable, though. After a while he had a "magic" Popsicle, which helped turned things around a bit. He is healing slowly but surely and hopefully his eye won't be red soon enough.
We received an amazing gift from my sister and her boyfriend. The bought our family a year's membership to the Telus World of Science. We couldn't go yesterday or this next Saturday, so we're going to go on Brettley's birthday the weekend after. Our plan is to go once per month. I feel so blessed and cried when we got that gift.
I was very active online for #BellLetsTalk day this year. I ripped open a lot of wounds to be very honest and raise awareness and help pave the way for others to be willing to talk about their mental health. It wasn't an easy day with dredging it all up, but I had many people tell me that it meant a lot to them, and that made it 100% worth it.
Caleb finished his grade 5 science work and asked for a grade 6 workbook, so we're waiting for that to come in the mail. Brettley finished up his social studies, science and math, so we're focusing solely on language arts now with him for core subjects. Ty finished his language arts, which he was thrilled about. He'll finish up science this week. It's amazing how fast they finish things when they don't have all of that busy work. It will give us more time to focus on strengthening the areas where they struggle.
That's basically been our month. I figure if I do this at least once a month then I will have the basics on here even if I don't get much else.
Wednesday, January 11, 2017
Q&A about 2016
C did this on her blog and I really liked it, so I'm stealing it :)
1) What did you do in 2016 that you'd never done before?
I started home schooling my kids, I taught one of my kids how to read, I buzzed all of my hair off (twice, actually) and I made an impromptu trip with just John.
2) Did you keep your new year's resolutions and will you make more for next year?
I didn't keep mine, I'm horrible for that. This year, I have a goal to play more games with my kids and to work toward being healthier (exercise and food).
3) Did anyone close to you give birth?
Not super close, no.
4) Did anyone close to you die?
No, I've had a few years off from that, thankfully.
5) What countries did you visit?
None, we stayed here in Canada. We didn't even leave our province, ha ha.
6) What would you like to have in 2017 that you lacked in 2016?
A healthier lifestyle.
7) What dates from 2016 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
October 25th. That was the day I woke up with pink eye, found out the government had cancelled the accreditation for the boys' home education administration and also found out that John was being moved to 4 day work weeks the next month.
Also, Ty's baptism on November 12th.
8) What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Home educating my kids and prioritizing my health above my wants and commitments.
9) What was your biggest failure?
I don't know that I'd call anything a failure, they were all learning experiences.
10) Did you or someone close suffer illness or injury?
John was diagnosed with diabetes and I had a really tough year mental health-wise.
11) What was the best thing you bought?
My Star Wars laptop. It was the only laptop I could find that had all of the (3) things I wanted out of a laptop. It's been a huge help with home schooling.
12) Where did most of your money go?
Rent and groceries, same as always. Recreation money, most of it went toward stuff for Dungeons and Dragons, which John and I play with our groups about twice per month.
13) What song will always remind you of 2016?
It actually wasn't a stand out year for me with music, so I don't have one.
14) Compared the this time last year are you more happy or more sad?
So much more happy. This time last year was when everything hit a boiling point with Caleb, so I was pretty much a wreck and terrified that we wouldn't find a better solution for him. A year later and he's doing amazing!
15) What do you wish you'd done more of?
More time just playing with my kids and teaching them more life skills, which are a few of the things I'm trying to focus on this year. I also wish I'd blogged more, since it's basically our family journal.
16) What do you wish you'd done less of?
Less eating as a coping mechanism and less time spent on social media.
17) How did you spend Christmas?
We were at home for the morning, went to Church and then had my dad over for supper.
18) What was your favourite TV program?
I enjoyed Psych and Switched at Birth a lot in 2016.
19) What were your favourite books of the year?
2016 was probably my worst year ever for reading since I started reading at the age of 4. Nothing at all is standing out to me.
20) What were your favourite treats/food in 2016?
Miss Vickie's Sea Salt and Malt Vinegar Chips, Egg Roll Bowl and Bacon Cheeseburger Skillet
21) What were your favourite movies of the year?
Rogue One: A Star Wars Story. Hands down!
22) What did you do on your birthday and how old were you?
I turned 32. We took a break from school that day. Caleb and I binge watched Gilmore Girls together, which was exactly how I'd wanted to spend the day.
23) What one thing would have made your year measurably more satisfying?
Not struggling with severe anxiety for the majority of the year.
24) How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2016?
If it fits and it's comfy then we're good, ha ha.
25) What kept you sane?
Those chips, John, Caleb and home schooling.
26) What was a valuable life lesson you learned in 2016?
It's okay to prioritize your mental health above what you want and things that you've said you would do.
I also learned that if something is the right choice for you and/or your family, Heavenly Father will help you do things you never thought you could do. I am one of the most impatient people I've ever met and thought I'd never be able to home school my kids because of it, but Heavenly Father always gives me what I need to make it work for us.
1) What did you do in 2016 that you'd never done before?
I started home schooling my kids, I taught one of my kids how to read, I buzzed all of my hair off (twice, actually) and I made an impromptu trip with just John.
2) Did you keep your new year's resolutions and will you make more for next year?
I didn't keep mine, I'm horrible for that. This year, I have a goal to play more games with my kids and to work toward being healthier (exercise and food).
3) Did anyone close to you give birth?
Not super close, no.
4) Did anyone close to you die?
No, I've had a few years off from that, thankfully.
5) What countries did you visit?
None, we stayed here in Canada. We didn't even leave our province, ha ha.
6) What would you like to have in 2017 that you lacked in 2016?
A healthier lifestyle.
7) What dates from 2016 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
October 25th. That was the day I woke up with pink eye, found out the government had cancelled the accreditation for the boys' home education administration and also found out that John was being moved to 4 day work weeks the next month.
Also, Ty's baptism on November 12th.
8) What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Home educating my kids and prioritizing my health above my wants and commitments.
9) What was your biggest failure?
I don't know that I'd call anything a failure, they were all learning experiences.
10) Did you or someone close suffer illness or injury?
John was diagnosed with diabetes and I had a really tough year mental health-wise.
11) What was the best thing you bought?
My Star Wars laptop. It was the only laptop I could find that had all of the (3) things I wanted out of a laptop. It's been a huge help with home schooling.
12) Where did most of your money go?
Rent and groceries, same as always. Recreation money, most of it went toward stuff for Dungeons and Dragons, which John and I play with our groups about twice per month.
13) What song will always remind you of 2016?
It actually wasn't a stand out year for me with music, so I don't have one.
14) Compared the this time last year are you more happy or more sad?
So much more happy. This time last year was when everything hit a boiling point with Caleb, so I was pretty much a wreck and terrified that we wouldn't find a better solution for him. A year later and he's doing amazing!
15) What do you wish you'd done more of?
More time just playing with my kids and teaching them more life skills, which are a few of the things I'm trying to focus on this year. I also wish I'd blogged more, since it's basically our family journal.
16) What do you wish you'd done less of?
Less eating as a coping mechanism and less time spent on social media.
17) How did you spend Christmas?
We were at home for the morning, went to Church and then had my dad over for supper.
18) What was your favourite TV program?
I enjoyed Psych and Switched at Birth a lot in 2016.
19) What were your favourite books of the year?
2016 was probably my worst year ever for reading since I started reading at the age of 4. Nothing at all is standing out to me.
20) What were your favourite treats/food in 2016?
Miss Vickie's Sea Salt and Malt Vinegar Chips, Egg Roll Bowl and Bacon Cheeseburger Skillet
21) What were your favourite movies of the year?
Rogue One: A Star Wars Story. Hands down!
22) What did you do on your birthday and how old were you?
I turned 32. We took a break from school that day. Caleb and I binge watched Gilmore Girls together, which was exactly how I'd wanted to spend the day.
23) What one thing would have made your year measurably more satisfying?
Not struggling with severe anxiety for the majority of the year.
24) How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2016?
If it fits and it's comfy then we're good, ha ha.
25) What kept you sane?
Those chips, John, Caleb and home schooling.
26) What was a valuable life lesson you learned in 2016?
It's okay to prioritize your mental health above what you want and things that you've said you would do.
I also learned that if something is the right choice for you and/or your family, Heavenly Father will help you do things you never thought you could do. I am one of the most impatient people I've ever met and thought I'd never be able to home school my kids because of it, but Heavenly Father always gives me what I need to make it work for us.
Thursday, January 5, 2017
2016 Recap
I'm pretty sure I'm only blogging for myself now, since journaling is not my strong point, ha ha. 2016 was a pretty life-changing year for us. Everything with Caleb came to a boiling point early in January. He was coming home from school more than half of the time either crying or raging. We prayed to know if home schooling was a better option for him and got the strongest revelation we've ever received during our marriage. In early February, he started home schooling. I had to quit doing lunch supervision at the school a month later to help make his days easier, it was 100% worth it. When Caleb met with a psychiatrist later in the year, the psychiatrist told us that switching him to home schooling was probably the best thing we could have done for him. I felt pretty good when I heard that.
Brettley turned 5 and lost his first 2 teeth that day. He lost another a few days before Christmas and has another wiggly one at the moment.
I spent a large portion of the year with a buzz cut. What started as a way of getting really fried hair dealt with ended up being a really big convenience. I'm slowly starting to grow it out a bit now. We also found out that I don't have sleep apnea, after having to do a sleep test.
Caleb ended up with full time glasses. He's still learning to wear them full time but I understand the struggle, I'm still adjusting to wearing mine full time as well.
I did something totally out of character for me. John and I made an impromptu overnight visit to the Calgary area in March. We got to go to a wonderful gaming store, have a delicious dinner and then spend the evening with some family/friends. I'm a planner and don't do well with spontaneity at all, so this was kind of a big deal.
The kids had a lot of dental work done. Ty managed his first filling fine, but then got too stressed out about the extractions, so the extractions and crowns ended up being done under anesthesia. I sincerely pray that we never have to see him like that again. Caleb managed to tough out all of his fillings and his crown with our regular dentist. He was a total rock star!
We decided in March, after more prayer, that Ty and Brettley would home school starting in the fall. We set up a great space for them in the living room, but found pretty quickly that the dining room works a lot better for us, at least while they're this young. Ty was very happy that he could start home schooling since he'd been asking for it since Kindergarten.
Grandpa D built the boys a garden box, and we grew peas, beans, lettuce, spinach and dill. It was great! We're looking forward to planting it again this year. The boys loved snacking out of it.
John taught Caleb, Tyrell and I how to play chess. One of my goals for 2017 is to play more games with the kids.
Brettley started school at home. He grasps things so easily. He is great at math and is learning to read so well. The only two struggles with him are that he hates beating a dead horse (he likes to move on as soon as he's mastered a concept) and that he's still learning to understand structure (that one will come with time). Ty's strongest subject is math. He's improving in Language Arts, but still really struggles with his spelling. Caleb does very well with Social Studies, but is working on improving his Language Arts. We will start our summer vacation early this year, so we're taking that time to focus on strengthening their weaker areas.
I made a goal to participate in the 2017 Relay for Life in Wainwright. My mum and sister are going to participate as well. I'm looking forward to doing this in memory of my amazing father-in-law.
John turned 40. We celebrated by having a gaming session with our Dungeons and Dragons group. It was the perfect way for him to spend the day.
A bit of a sad note about our 2016 is that we tried for another baby and after many months of nothing I had to call it off to focus on my mental health again. On a more positive note, though, I feel more peace about being done having kids than I've ever had before. Maybe that's what I needed to get from the experience.
I was concerned about what to do for school photos, so my mum came and took pictures of the boys. Brettley, grade 1, said he wants to become a firefighter. Tyrell, grade 3, wants to become a scientist. Caleb, grade 5, wants to be an astrophysicist.
Part of school this year was learning how to take care of a home. The boys each have 4 chores to do daily. In the fall we're looking forward to adding cooking lessons in to our school year.
I started watching a friend's son every Thursday. The boys love him, even though I have to keep reminding them that he isn't a toy.
At the end of September, John was diagnosed with diabetes. He's been losing weight again and is currently the lightest that he's been in about 19 years. I'm still learning to eat better, but I'm slowly getting there. I was off of my meds for several months (checking in regularly with my doctor), so food was sort of my way of dealing with anxiety and depression then.
Tyrell turned 8 and started Cubs, which he loves. He was baptized on November 12th and we were blessed to have the man he was named after there to give one of the talks and be one of the witnesses.
We had the whole school fiasco that I blogged about a couple of posts ago. It ended up being a positive thing for us. We really like our new home education administration and the options we have with them, but it was one of the most stressful things we've been through.
The boys did swimming lessons in the fall. Tyrell and Caleb both passed their courses, but Brettley didn't quite get there. They are starting another round of lessons at the end of February.
We were told in November that Caleb doesn't have ADHD. The most likely culprit is severe anxiety that he has a difficult time learning how to process. He's continuing to do amazing on his meds and he hardly ever has rage attacks anymore. He is leaps and bounds ahead of where he was this time last year.
We enjoyed a quiet Christmas at home, but we're really looking forward to spending the next one with my family. We haven't gone there for Christmas since Tyrell's first Christmas.
John and I celebrated our 11th wedding anniversary on New Year's Eve. I am so blessed to be married to him.
Now on to 2017 :)
Brettley turned 5 and lost his first 2 teeth that day. He lost another a few days before Christmas and has another wiggly one at the moment.
I spent a large portion of the year with a buzz cut. What started as a way of getting really fried hair dealt with ended up being a really big convenience. I'm slowly starting to grow it out a bit now. We also found out that I don't have sleep apnea, after having to do a sleep test.
Caleb ended up with full time glasses. He's still learning to wear them full time but I understand the struggle, I'm still adjusting to wearing mine full time as well.
I did something totally out of character for me. John and I made an impromptu overnight visit to the Calgary area in March. We got to go to a wonderful gaming store, have a delicious dinner and then spend the evening with some family/friends. I'm a planner and don't do well with spontaneity at all, so this was kind of a big deal.
The kids had a lot of dental work done. Ty managed his first filling fine, but then got too stressed out about the extractions, so the extractions and crowns ended up being done under anesthesia. I sincerely pray that we never have to see him like that again. Caleb managed to tough out all of his fillings and his crown with our regular dentist. He was a total rock star!
We decided in March, after more prayer, that Ty and Brettley would home school starting in the fall. We set up a great space for them in the living room, but found pretty quickly that the dining room works a lot better for us, at least while they're this young. Ty was very happy that he could start home schooling since he'd been asking for it since Kindergarten.
Grandpa D built the boys a garden box, and we grew peas, beans, lettuce, spinach and dill. It was great! We're looking forward to planting it again this year. The boys loved snacking out of it.
John taught Caleb, Tyrell and I how to play chess. One of my goals for 2017 is to play more games with the kids.
Brettley started school at home. He grasps things so easily. He is great at math and is learning to read so well. The only two struggles with him are that he hates beating a dead horse (he likes to move on as soon as he's mastered a concept) and that he's still learning to understand structure (that one will come with time). Ty's strongest subject is math. He's improving in Language Arts, but still really struggles with his spelling. Caleb does very well with Social Studies, but is working on improving his Language Arts. We will start our summer vacation early this year, so we're taking that time to focus on strengthening their weaker areas.
I made a goal to participate in the 2017 Relay for Life in Wainwright. My mum and sister are going to participate as well. I'm looking forward to doing this in memory of my amazing father-in-law.
John turned 40. We celebrated by having a gaming session with our Dungeons and Dragons group. It was the perfect way for him to spend the day.
A bit of a sad note about our 2016 is that we tried for another baby and after many months of nothing I had to call it off to focus on my mental health again. On a more positive note, though, I feel more peace about being done having kids than I've ever had before. Maybe that's what I needed to get from the experience.
I was concerned about what to do for school photos, so my mum came and took pictures of the boys. Brettley, grade 1, said he wants to become a firefighter. Tyrell, grade 3, wants to become a scientist. Caleb, grade 5, wants to be an astrophysicist.
Part of school this year was learning how to take care of a home. The boys each have 4 chores to do daily. In the fall we're looking forward to adding cooking lessons in to our school year.
I started watching a friend's son every Thursday. The boys love him, even though I have to keep reminding them that he isn't a toy.
At the end of September, John was diagnosed with diabetes. He's been losing weight again and is currently the lightest that he's been in about 19 years. I'm still learning to eat better, but I'm slowly getting there. I was off of my meds for several months (checking in regularly with my doctor), so food was sort of my way of dealing with anxiety and depression then.
Tyrell turned 8 and started Cubs, which he loves. He was baptized on November 12th and we were blessed to have the man he was named after there to give one of the talks and be one of the witnesses.
We had the whole school fiasco that I blogged about a couple of posts ago. It ended up being a positive thing for us. We really like our new home education administration and the options we have with them, but it was one of the most stressful things we've been through.
The boys did swimming lessons in the fall. Tyrell and Caleb both passed their courses, but Brettley didn't quite get there. They are starting another round of lessons at the end of February.
We were told in November that Caleb doesn't have ADHD. The most likely culprit is severe anxiety that he has a difficult time learning how to process. He's continuing to do amazing on his meds and he hardly ever has rage attacks anymore. He is leaps and bounds ahead of where he was this time last year.
We enjoyed a quiet Christmas at home, but we're really looking forward to spending the next one with my family. We haven't gone there for Christmas since Tyrell's first Christmas.
John and I celebrated our 11th wedding anniversary on New Year's Eve. I am so blessed to be married to him.
Now on to 2017 :)
Wednesday, May 18, 2016
Walking Like a Boss and Yummy Beverages
So about 2 weeks ago I went for my quarterly doctor's appointment (which happens when you take the meds that I do). He brought up the sleep study I did a few months back that came back negative and asked how my sleep has been. I'll be honest here, I've struggled with insomnia and poor sleep for as long as I can remember. Even at my healthiest this was always a problem for me. However, my doctor decided that I needed to exercise and eat less. While I'm convinced they won't actually solve my insomnia issue (I was very thin as a teenager and this was occurring back then as well), I acknowledge that I do need to make healthier choices. My doctor told me that I need to take at least 10,000 steps per day. I had waffled on getting a FitBit for a while now, but I figured if I was being required to watch my steps anyway, I may as well take the plunge, so we went and got me a FitBit Charge, which also tracks my sleep. Then a couple of days later my back got re-injured (which is a whole other story), and I wasn't able to walk lots for about a week. But I was back at it this Monday. It has been one of the best investments I've ever made (along with my new Asics, which make all of the difference). Today I got smart and remembered to use music while I walk. It was the best that I've felt in many months. I'm really looking forward to keeping this going. Instead of dreading exercise each day, I look forward to seeing how quickly in the day I can reach my goal. I also am eating a more appropriate amount of food. I make an exception 1 evening per week where I won't think about what I'm eating, as long as I'm not gorging myself or anything. As for my steps, I won't be worrying about them on Sundays. Whatever I get for a normal Sunday is whatever I get.
On a separate note, our sugar-free coconut and vanilla Torani syrups came today. I made myself a Dirty Coke Zero mocktail and it was amazing. I definitely wouldn't be able to have more than 1 per day, though, it tastes way too strong. You can find the link here. We had a really hard time finding the Torani syrups in the city, so we ordered them from Amazon.
On a separate note, our sugar-free coconut and vanilla Torani syrups came today. I made myself a Dirty Coke Zero mocktail and it was amazing. I definitely wouldn't be able to have more than 1 per day, though, it tastes way too strong. You can find the link here. We had a really hard time finding the Torani syrups in the city, so we ordered them from Amazon.
Wednesday, April 6, 2016
But That's Not What It's Supposed to Look Like...
Surprisingly, this post isn't homeschool related. So for the past several months I have struggling with depression and anxiety. It was hard to take it seriously for quite a while, because it was nowhere near as severe as it was before I started taking Seroquel. Before then, depression and anxiety meant not being able to do even the easiest of household tasks, not being able to hold myself together when John wasn't here, majorly struggling with self-harm. This time around, I was still able to get the basic chores around the house done, I was able to function without John at home, I was able to be consistent with homeschooling and even feel excitement about it. Although I'm sure I will always struggle with the temptation to self-harm, I haven't given in for well over a year. So my life didn't look how I expected depression and anxiety to look, but it was there. I was almost ambivalent about Christmas, which is the opposite of how I usually am. I couldn't sit still with more than 10 people near me without having an anxiety attack (yes, that means I couldn't do church), and often was having anxiety attacks in stores. I was depression eating.
So this past week I decided to make some changes. I was willing to open up to a good friend and also to a bishopric member about what was going on. That was a huge step, I always try to hide when I'm struggling. I committed to only eating after supper once per week, which would eliminate most of my stress-induced chips and dip binges. I am committing to some sort of intentional movement every day that John works, even if it's just dancing to 2 songs one day. I started taking a multivitamin for women. I decided to take church 1 week at a time, and my goal for this Sunday is to sit in the hallway and be able to stay there at least long enough to partake of the sacrament. At any time after that, if the anxiety is too much, I'll go sit in the van and read Jesus the Christ until John and the boys are done their meetings.
Also, I made the connection that things really started going downhill right when I started taking birth control pills in an effort to help with PMS emotional issues. So since I just finished a pack anyway, I decided that the trade off isn't worth it, and I won't be continuing with them.
While things haven't been easy, I've remained optimistic that I will get through this rough patch, like I always do. I just need to pull out of it 1 step at a time.
So this past week I decided to make some changes. I was willing to open up to a good friend and also to a bishopric member about what was going on. That was a huge step, I always try to hide when I'm struggling. I committed to only eating after supper once per week, which would eliminate most of my stress-induced chips and dip binges. I am committing to some sort of intentional movement every day that John works, even if it's just dancing to 2 songs one day. I started taking a multivitamin for women. I decided to take church 1 week at a time, and my goal for this Sunday is to sit in the hallway and be able to stay there at least long enough to partake of the sacrament. At any time after that, if the anxiety is too much, I'll go sit in the van and read Jesus the Christ until John and the boys are done their meetings.
Also, I made the connection that things really started going downhill right when I started taking birth control pills in an effort to help with PMS emotional issues. So since I just finished a pack anyway, I decided that the trade off isn't worth it, and I won't be continuing with them.
While things haven't been easy, I've remained optimistic that I will get through this rough patch, like I always do. I just need to pull out of it 1 step at a time.
Wednesday, February 17, 2016
Realizing My Capabilities
We've been through a fair bit in the past week. First, my little Brettley turned 5 years old. Where on earth has the time gone? As an extra thought on this, when Caleb was 5 he seemed so big. Because Brettley is the youngest and a little short (or a lot short) for his age, he seems super tiny to me. He wears size 5 tops, but just got into size 4 pants a couple of months ago, so he is quite short for a 5 year old. However, he made up for his lack of height by losing not 1, but 2 teeth on his birthday! Caleb and Ty were both 6 when they lost their first teeth, so Brettley is ahead of the group in that area. Some of the things Brettley got for his birthday were a truck launcher he'd been asking for, 2 Paw Patrol toys and a Paw Patrol bedding set (comforter, sheets and pillowcase). He was a VERY happy boy, and he's finally keeping a pillowcase on his pillow for once.
On Friday, the stress of everything I've been going through the past couple of weeks sort of hit me really hard. John and I decided together a couple of things. First, that because we don't actually need the money I get from doing lunch at the school and because Caleb did straight out tell me that it disrupts his home schooling too much, I will finish working for February, but won't be continuing to do lunch anymore come March. Also, we decided that 5 filling appointments in a month and a half was way too much stress on both out time and finances, so we're going to do 1 filling each month until they're done. Also, we'll get Ty's all done before we start doing any of Caleb's to give Caleb more time to develop some skills to get over his big fear of needles. I felt so much better after we reworked these things to cut down on my stress level a bit.
I think I got into this mentality that because I can handle things a lot better than I could before I started Seroquel that I need to be able to handle everything. One of the first things my doctor ever said to me was that I need to be aware of what I'm capable of and work with that. I'm going to work harder to be aware of my personal capabilities and be more willing to say no when it's necessary.
John was able to have a 4 day weekend, and yesterday we took the kids to the Telus World of Science. The past couple of years, instead of getting lots of toys for the kids, we've asked my dad to instead just fund a family fun day for us. As I've mentioned before, our kids are the only grandkids on my side, so they kind of get spoiled rotten. The boys LOVED going to the TWOS. I was worried Brettley wouldn't like it too much, but he was right in there just as much as his brothers were. After we were done there we took the boys for lunch at Red Robins (their choice). Then we took them to Toys R Us and Mastermind Toys to each get something. Well, Brettley did get a lot since he had birthday money to spend as well. Caleb bought a paratrooper with a no-tangle parachute and a little science experiment kit. Ty got a little space gun, a singing Olaf toy, a Frozen pen and Frozen skin stickers. In case you couldn't tell, he is still quite stuck on Frozen, ha ha. Brettley got himself a grabber claw stick, a red Boogie Board and 6 Paw Patrol toys with badges. He only needs 2 more now to complete his badge collection (Zuma and Marshall).
That's about it for this week. I woke up with a sore throat this morning, so I got an extra day at home with Caleb and Brettley. Now Caleb is finishing up his math for the day and I'm drinking another herbal tea with honey. I'm very much looking forward to March when I get to have days like this (minus the being sick) far more often.
On Friday, the stress of everything I've been going through the past couple of weeks sort of hit me really hard. John and I decided together a couple of things. First, that because we don't actually need the money I get from doing lunch at the school and because Caleb did straight out tell me that it disrupts his home schooling too much, I will finish working for February, but won't be continuing to do lunch anymore come March. Also, we decided that 5 filling appointments in a month and a half was way too much stress on both out time and finances, so we're going to do 1 filling each month until they're done. Also, we'll get Ty's all done before we start doing any of Caleb's to give Caleb more time to develop some skills to get over his big fear of needles. I felt so much better after we reworked these things to cut down on my stress level a bit.
I think I got into this mentality that because I can handle things a lot better than I could before I started Seroquel that I need to be able to handle everything. One of the first things my doctor ever said to me was that I need to be aware of what I'm capable of and work with that. I'm going to work harder to be aware of my personal capabilities and be more willing to say no when it's necessary.
John was able to have a 4 day weekend, and yesterday we took the kids to the Telus World of Science. The past couple of years, instead of getting lots of toys for the kids, we've asked my dad to instead just fund a family fun day for us. As I've mentioned before, our kids are the only grandkids on my side, so they kind of get spoiled rotten. The boys LOVED going to the TWOS. I was worried Brettley wouldn't like it too much, but he was right in there just as much as his brothers were. After we were done there we took the boys for lunch at Red Robins (their choice). Then we took them to Toys R Us and Mastermind Toys to each get something. Well, Brettley did get a lot since he had birthday money to spend as well. Caleb bought a paratrooper with a no-tangle parachute and a little science experiment kit. Ty got a little space gun, a singing Olaf toy, a Frozen pen and Frozen skin stickers. In case you couldn't tell, he is still quite stuck on Frozen, ha ha. Brettley got himself a grabber claw stick, a red Boogie Board and 6 Paw Patrol toys with badges. He only needs 2 more now to complete his badge collection (Zuma and Marshall).
That's about it for this week. I woke up with a sore throat this morning, so I got an extra day at home with Caleb and Brettley. Now Caleb is finishing up his math for the day and I'm drinking another herbal tea with honey. I'm very much looking forward to March when I get to have days like this (minus the being sick) far more often.
Wednesday, February 10, 2016
3 Days In
So today is officially day 3 of home school. Monday was kind of odd. It was the first day, we were figuring what works to begin with, and then I had to leave to work at the school, so my dad was over for the tail end of Caleb's work, which was the worst example of it. The last 10 minutes or so were hard for Caleb, he was feeling a bit done.
Yesterday was AMAZING! I didn't have to work because my class was on a field trip, so I didn't have to interrupt our day. I became more conscious of when he needs breaks and snacks. I ensured that he ate a good breakfast before we started. Caleb gets really 'hangry' as of late. It was an all around awesome day and he even helped make supper as well.
Today was a hard day. The day after Cubs is ALWAYS hard. It causes him to get to bed a little bit later than normal (his normal bedtime is 8:45) and has him extremely stimulated in the evening. Looking at how thing are today, I may switch it so that on Wednesdays he does his work in the afternoon when I get home from the school, instead of in the morning. Or split it half and half. We'll see how things go next week and continue to adapt from there.
Tomorrow I go back to working at the school, so our days will be messed up again. I'm REALLY glad that I won't be doing lunch supervision next year, it just isn't working well for us now. I agreed to finish the year out though, so I'm trying really hard to keep that commitment.
***
In other news, my baby boy turns 5 tomorrow! His cake is currently in the oven. He LOVES homemade German chocolate cake with coconut pecan icing. He's my only boy who still prefers for me to make his cake instead of buy it, so I'm going to enjoy that while it lasts :)
I would also like to say that I was super impressed with myself on Monday, that I was able to home school and work at all. The night before was really bad. I have struggled with major back pain since I was a teenager. It's been a lot worse lately since I injured my back at Christmas a few years back. However, that being said, the pain I had on Sunday night was hands down THE WORST back pain I've ever had. If it wasn't for several layers of Tiger Balm, an amazing husband rubbing my back and keeping me as calm as possible, I definitely would have ended up in the ER.
Next week we're doing our family fun day. John is taking Tuesday off and Ty is being excused from school. We're taking the kids to the Telus World of Science, going out for lunch to Red Robin (as the kids insisted) and then taking them to Toys R Us so they can each pick out a toy. This day is my Dad's Christmas present to the kids. They are super excited for it and so are we!
Yesterday was AMAZING! I didn't have to work because my class was on a field trip, so I didn't have to interrupt our day. I became more conscious of when he needs breaks and snacks. I ensured that he ate a good breakfast before we started. Caleb gets really 'hangry' as of late. It was an all around awesome day and he even helped make supper as well.
Today was a hard day. The day after Cubs is ALWAYS hard. It causes him to get to bed a little bit later than normal (his normal bedtime is 8:45) and has him extremely stimulated in the evening. Looking at how thing are today, I may switch it so that on Wednesdays he does his work in the afternoon when I get home from the school, instead of in the morning. Or split it half and half. We'll see how things go next week and continue to adapt from there.
Tomorrow I go back to working at the school, so our days will be messed up again. I'm REALLY glad that I won't be doing lunch supervision next year, it just isn't working well for us now. I agreed to finish the year out though, so I'm trying really hard to keep that commitment.
***
In other news, my baby boy turns 5 tomorrow! His cake is currently in the oven. He LOVES homemade German chocolate cake with coconut pecan icing. He's my only boy who still prefers for me to make his cake instead of buy it, so I'm going to enjoy that while it lasts :)
I would also like to say that I was super impressed with myself on Monday, that I was able to home school and work at all. The night before was really bad. I have struggled with major back pain since I was a teenager. It's been a lot worse lately since I injured my back at Christmas a few years back. However, that being said, the pain I had on Sunday night was hands down THE WORST back pain I've ever had. If it wasn't for several layers of Tiger Balm, an amazing husband rubbing my back and keeping me as calm as possible, I definitely would have ended up in the ER.
Next week we're doing our family fun day. John is taking Tuesday off and Ty is being excused from school. We're taking the kids to the Telus World of Science, going out for lunch to Red Robin (as the kids insisted) and then taking them to Toys R Us so they can each pick out a toy. This day is my Dad's Christmas present to the kids. They are super excited for it and so are we!
Friday, February 5, 2016
Or Not...
So our plan was to wait until September for Caleb to start home education. Then things started going downhill really fast. Before, Caleb came home from school about 2/5 days each week and was either distraught in tears as he walked through the door, or he'd explode in anger. I eventually figured out that the problem was that he'd tried to stay in control all day long and bottled up 'everything' and it would explode when he got home. Well, it started happening every.single.day. Caleb couldn't handle things. I couldn't handle things. The status quo was clearly not working anymore. So we made a big change, and decided to start home schooling ASAP instead. I found a board that was willing to accept him mid-year. I quickly figured out some curriculum, pieced together an Education Program Plan and sent in his registration information last Friday. On Wednesday this week, I heard from Caleb's facilitator. He was very nice and let me know that he's happy to be involved as much or as little as we're comfortable with. Then yesterday morning the official acceptance letter came. So today is Caleb's last day at the school. Monday he starts doing home school. It's a little bit sad. He'll miss seeing his friends so much. It's sad for him to leave the school he's been at since the first day of Kindergarten. But all 3 of us (John, Caleb and I) know with a deep surety that this was the right decision for Caleb and his specific needs.
For inquiring minds, we are only doing 5 subjects for the rest of grade 4. English Language Arts, Math, Science, Social Studies and Health. He was planning on dropping art and music next year anyway, so I wasn't even going to bother with that. He's doing level 1 French in grade 5 as is, so continuing FSL this year wasn't at all necessary. As for Phys Ed, we will still have opportunities for him to be physically active, it's just not an official subject for him for the rest of the year. We may put him in swimming lessons a couple of months down the road, but we'll see how things go.
So that's kind of everything that's been going on, for the most part. Most of my time went into dealing with this and getting everything ready as quickly as possible. I'm sure there are people who think I'm crazy for making this choice, but we got an incredibly strong answer from Heavenly Father and continue to get them, so we feel very confident going into this that we have made the best choice that we could for Caleb. I feel so blessed to be in a position to be able to do this for him, and to do it within a province that (in my opinion) is one of the best places in Canada to home educate.
In the way of other news, Caleb and Tyrell went to the dentist this week. They were both awesome, but they both need fillings, so we'll be doing that next month. Mostly nervous about Caleb, because he has a fear of needles, but we will be bribing him to tough through it. Also, my doctor referred me for a sleep study for sleep apnea, which I have do to at the end of the month. I'm really not looking forward to it, mostly because I have a hard time falling asleep as it is and I'm pretty sure that having a mask strapped to my face isn't going to help much in that area. Oh well, better safe than sorry. Sleep apnea causes a truck load of problems if not treated correctly.
And as a final note, I can't believe that the baby of the family turns 5 next week. In some ways it feels like he's still 2, but in other ways it feels like he's been with us for so much longer than 5 years. Two things are for sure though. 1) We love him so very much and 2) He is still the best surprise I've ever had in my life.
For inquiring minds, we are only doing 5 subjects for the rest of grade 4. English Language Arts, Math, Science, Social Studies and Health. He was planning on dropping art and music next year anyway, so I wasn't even going to bother with that. He's doing level 1 French in grade 5 as is, so continuing FSL this year wasn't at all necessary. As for Phys Ed, we will still have opportunities for him to be physically active, it's just not an official subject for him for the rest of the year. We may put him in swimming lessons a couple of months down the road, but we'll see how things go.
So that's kind of everything that's been going on, for the most part. Most of my time went into dealing with this and getting everything ready as quickly as possible. I'm sure there are people who think I'm crazy for making this choice, but we got an incredibly strong answer from Heavenly Father and continue to get them, so we feel very confident going into this that we have made the best choice that we could for Caleb. I feel so blessed to be in a position to be able to do this for him, and to do it within a province that (in my opinion) is one of the best places in Canada to home educate.
In the way of other news, Caleb and Tyrell went to the dentist this week. They were both awesome, but they both need fillings, so we'll be doing that next month. Mostly nervous about Caleb, because he has a fear of needles, but we will be bribing him to tough through it. Also, my doctor referred me for a sleep study for sleep apnea, which I have do to at the end of the month. I'm really not looking forward to it, mostly because I have a hard time falling asleep as it is and I'm pretty sure that having a mask strapped to my face isn't going to help much in that area. Oh well, better safe than sorry. Sleep apnea causes a truck load of problems if not treated correctly.
And as a final note, I can't believe that the baby of the family turns 5 next week. In some ways it feels like he's still 2, but in other ways it feels like he's been with us for so much longer than 5 years. Two things are for sure though. 1) We love him so very much and 2) He is still the best surprise I've ever had in my life.
Thursday, October 29, 2015
October Update
So apparently I'm sorely lacking in the 'remember to blog' department. Oops! Here's an update and I will do my best to get back on track next week.
Brettley has been doing eye patching for the past few months. He has one pair of glasses that his cloth patch remains on permanently and then his big boy glasses that have no patch for the rest of the day. He has been working hard at learning all about letters and numbers. If he keeps up the hard work, I may actually get to teach him some sight words before he starts Kindergarten next fall. He is very close to being able to get out of the car seat and into the booster seat, a day we are ALL awaiting.
Tyrell is loving grade 2. He has the same teacher that Caleb had last year, which I may or may not have fist pumped over (okay, I'll totally own the fact that I did). He is still a big chatterbox and ball of energy when he's not at his desk at school. He just turned 7 last week and keeps talking about how excited he is to turn 8 next year and get baptized and start Cubs. This week he moved into the room with the double bed (Caleb moved in with Brettley), and he is so excited to have a space of his own. Our plan is to have them rotate who gets a room to himself every year.
Caleb is doing alright, after we got him settled into grade 4. He had a hard time adjusting, and so the principal and I have decided to go through trying to have him get coded for next year (due to his ADHD aggression, Oppositional Defiant Disorder and anxiety) so that he will qualify for extra help and so that when he goes to junior high and we have to deal with many teachers instead of just 1, I don't have to fight too hard for him to get the accommodations that he needs. He still absolutely loves science and has shown an interest in computer programming, so he and John are getting books out of the library to introduce him to that. He turned 9 last month and already has a teenage attitude, ha ha.
John is doing fairly well, other than his bout of shingles these past couple of weeks. A huge blessing, though, that it was an extremely mild case and was more of a nuisance to him than anything else. The biggest down side was that because Brettley hasn't had his second chicken pox immunization yet, he has been living at my dad's for over a week. He gets to come home tomorrow.
I am doing pretty well, aside from the case of bronchitis that Caleb so kindly shared with me this week. I have been doing lunchtime supervision at the school (my dad watches Brettley) and I really enjoy it. I am still happily serving away as the Mia Maids adviser in Young Women to a wonderful group of girls. I have been focusing a lot more lately on getting more out of my scripture study and just about increasing my learning in general. It's been a lot of fun and it keeps me very motivated.
So I think that's our updates, or at least the Coles Notes version of it. Have a great Halloween weekend!
Brettley has been doing eye patching for the past few months. He has one pair of glasses that his cloth patch remains on permanently and then his big boy glasses that have no patch for the rest of the day. He has been working hard at learning all about letters and numbers. If he keeps up the hard work, I may actually get to teach him some sight words before he starts Kindergarten next fall. He is very close to being able to get out of the car seat and into the booster seat, a day we are ALL awaiting.
Tyrell is loving grade 2. He has the same teacher that Caleb had last year, which I may or may not have fist pumped over (okay, I'll totally own the fact that I did). He is still a big chatterbox and ball of energy when he's not at his desk at school. He just turned 7 last week and keeps talking about how excited he is to turn 8 next year and get baptized and start Cubs. This week he moved into the room with the double bed (Caleb moved in with Brettley), and he is so excited to have a space of his own. Our plan is to have them rotate who gets a room to himself every year.
Caleb is doing alright, after we got him settled into grade 4. He had a hard time adjusting, and so the principal and I have decided to go through trying to have him get coded for next year (due to his ADHD aggression, Oppositional Defiant Disorder and anxiety) so that he will qualify for extra help and so that when he goes to junior high and we have to deal with many teachers instead of just 1, I don't have to fight too hard for him to get the accommodations that he needs. He still absolutely loves science and has shown an interest in computer programming, so he and John are getting books out of the library to introduce him to that. He turned 9 last month and already has a teenage attitude, ha ha.
John is doing fairly well, other than his bout of shingles these past couple of weeks. A huge blessing, though, that it was an extremely mild case and was more of a nuisance to him than anything else. The biggest down side was that because Brettley hasn't had his second chicken pox immunization yet, he has been living at my dad's for over a week. He gets to come home tomorrow.
I am doing pretty well, aside from the case of bronchitis that Caleb so kindly shared with me this week. I have been doing lunchtime supervision at the school (my dad watches Brettley) and I really enjoy it. I am still happily serving away as the Mia Maids adviser in Young Women to a wonderful group of girls. I have been focusing a lot more lately on getting more out of my scripture study and just about increasing my learning in general. It's been a lot of fun and it keeps me very motivated.
So I think that's our updates, or at least the Coles Notes version of it. Have a great Halloween weekend!
Sunday, July 26, 2015
Our July
Wow, I sure haven't been using this as regularly as I'd planned to. Hopefully once the summer is over and we're back in the school routine it will be easier. The day after my last post I had a checkup with my 'new' family physician. We've seen a heck of a lot of each other the past several months, the average was every 2 weeks. I am thrilled to say that he was happy enough with my current medication dosage that I get to go 3 months between that checkup and the next one. That was such amazing news, I got into the van and just cried and cried with happy tears. Of course, I still have tough days, but the difference now is that it takes so much less effort to get back to feeling stable again. Horray!
Last weekend we went to Calgary to stay with my brother and sister-in-law. It was the weekend they were finishing renovating the basement suite of their house, so I even got to help with a few things, including the staging for pictures, which was SO much fun. On the way home on Monday we detoured to Drumheller to check out the Royal Tyrrell Museum (the dinosaur museum). Brettley was very scared at first when he heard dinosaur noises, but after a bit he calmed down and enjoyed himself.
John was off work this past week and is off again this week. Aside from our few days in Calgary, we are holidaying at home this year and it is THE BEST! John's birthday was on Thursday and we had a Dr Pepper themed day. For breakfast we had Strawberry Dr Pepper Jello and whipped cream. For lunch we had Dr Pepper meatballs. Supper was Dr Pepper BBQ ribs and baked potatoes. For the dessert we had Chocolate Cherry Dr Pepper Cobbler with whipped cream. It was a great day. I think I'm still trying to make up for his birthday in 2010 when our van died on the way to Utah.
I met with the surgeon on Friday and he recommended that since my gallstones are asymptomatic, that we just leave them alone for now. He did say, though, that as soon as I actually get symptoms that it will be coming out. I'm pretty happy to not be facing surgery at the moment though, to be honest.
So that's been our month so far. For the last week we plan to have Brettley's eye checkup to see how he's doing with the new prescription, a trip to the pool and a ladies' night in there as well. July has been a great month!
Last weekend we went to Calgary to stay with my brother and sister-in-law. It was the weekend they were finishing renovating the basement suite of their house, so I even got to help with a few things, including the staging for pictures, which was SO much fun. On the way home on Monday we detoured to Drumheller to check out the Royal Tyrrell Museum (the dinosaur museum). Brettley was very scared at first when he heard dinosaur noises, but after a bit he calmed down and enjoyed himself.
John was off work this past week and is off again this week. Aside from our few days in Calgary, we are holidaying at home this year and it is THE BEST! John's birthday was on Thursday and we had a Dr Pepper themed day. For breakfast we had Strawberry Dr Pepper Jello and whipped cream. For lunch we had Dr Pepper meatballs. Supper was Dr Pepper BBQ ribs and baked potatoes. For the dessert we had Chocolate Cherry Dr Pepper Cobbler with whipped cream. It was a great day. I think I'm still trying to make up for his birthday in 2010 when our van died on the way to Utah.
I met with the surgeon on Friday and he recommended that since my gallstones are asymptomatic, that we just leave them alone for now. He did say, though, that as soon as I actually get symptoms that it will be coming out. I'm pretty happy to not be facing surgery at the moment though, to be honest.
So that's been our month so far. For the last week we plan to have Brettley's eye checkup to see how he's doing with the new prescription, a trip to the pool and a ladies' night in there as well. July has been a great month!
Wednesday, July 8, 2015
We Got A...
The boys had a great last few weeks of their school year. They maintained the exact same grades that they both had back in March. Both teachers commented to me about just how much progress Caleb and Tyrell have made this year, which is always awesome to hear. Last week all 3 boys were at my mum's. Brettley managed to bust his chin open and had to have it glued shut while he was there, but apparently he was very brave and handled the whole thing incredibly well.
I have been doing well. We went to the park and were out for almost 4 hours straight on Monday. I forgot that my meds make me more susceptible to effects from heat and sun and I got a bit of a sunburn. The boys have been doing chores each day to earn spending money. They also have educational work that they do on John's work days.
Our biggest news is that we got a family pet. While the boys were gone, John and I decided to check out a couple of pet stores to just price out a hamster and all the gear for that. John held a hamster at Petland and I was a goner. She is so adorable. She is mostly black with a bit of white fur on her belly and her name is Rogue. She is very loved by all of us. Caleb helps change her food and water as well as helping to keep her cage clean. Several people have been shocked that I am able to tolerate having her, given my extreme fear of mice. Because her tail is so short, my fear is, thankfully, automatically able to register that she is not a mouse.
I forgot to mention it as I caught up before, but a couple of months back I was told that I have a gallstone as well as fatty deposits on my liver, the results of my abdominal ultrasound. To deal with the fatty deposits, I was ordered to lose weight. It has been almost 9 weeks and I have managed to lose over 16 lbs so far. As for the gallstone, I had the option to have surgery as a preemptive strike before it becomes a serious issue and I decided to take that option, so I meet with the surgeon later this month.
So that's our update for now. Hope you're having a great summer!
I have been doing well. We went to the park and were out for almost 4 hours straight on Monday. I forgot that my meds make me more susceptible to effects from heat and sun and I got a bit of a sunburn. The boys have been doing chores each day to earn spending money. They also have educational work that they do on John's work days.
Our biggest news is that we got a family pet. While the boys were gone, John and I decided to check out a couple of pet stores to just price out a hamster and all the gear for that. John held a hamster at Petland and I was a goner. She is so adorable. She is mostly black with a bit of white fur on her belly and her name is Rogue. She is very loved by all of us. Caleb helps change her food and water as well as helping to keep her cage clean. Several people have been shocked that I am able to tolerate having her, given my extreme fear of mice. Because her tail is so short, my fear is, thankfully, automatically able to register that she is not a mouse.
I forgot to mention it as I caught up before, but a couple of months back I was told that I have a gallstone as well as fatty deposits on my liver, the results of my abdominal ultrasound. To deal with the fatty deposits, I was ordered to lose weight. It has been almost 9 weeks and I have managed to lose over 16 lbs so far. As for the gallstone, I had the option to have surgery as a preemptive strike before it becomes a serious issue and I decided to take that option, so I meet with the surgeon later this month.
So that's our update for now. Hope you're having a great summer!
Thursday, May 7, 2015
The May Update
Life in the Bly home at the moment, hmm. The kids and I have started spending a lot more time outside now that spring is finally (mostly) here. They have gotten in lots of bike riding. We bought Brettley a brand spanking new big boy bike and finally got rid of the tricycle. They LOVE riding their bikes. We also bought a bunch of different things for them to use outside (chalk, soccer ball and pylons, etc).
Caleb and I went to see Big Hero 6 in the cheap theatre as a mommy and son date. He has done extremely well in working to get his anger under control. Hardly ever any issues at home or school now, so he no longer sees the psychologist or psychiatrist and just works with our new family doctor now. I'm so proud of him for working so hard, and his hard work really showed through in his March report card (his best one yet).
Tyrell won a citizenship award at school last month for being particularly good at team work. He also has his non-prescription glasses now, which he loves.
Brettley's glasses finally came in, and he loves his red Miraflex glasses. His eye looks a lot better with them too, so they are doing their job to prevent a third eye surgery. We are still waffling on the idea of putting him in Kindergarten this fall. I have very mixed feelings on whether or not he is ready. Intellectually I have no doubt he can do it, but he is very small for his age and would be very close to the cut off date for age, so he would probably be the youngest in his class anyway. Still not sure what we'll end up deciding on.
This Monday the boys were sure to celebrate Star Wars day in our geeky little family.
I am doing well. The decision to switch to pills instead of vitamins was definitely the right call for me. I still have off days, but they are far easier to pull out of now. I have been blessed to be the Mia Maids adviser for over 14 months now and am enjoying every minute of it with these amazing girls.
John is doing good as well and we are just happily enjoying life right now and looking forward to spending this coming weekend with my mum. And that's your monthly update on the Bly family :)
Thursday, April 9, 2015
Catch Up
I missed blogging last week because I was sleeping for a lot of it. For most of the past 2 weeks, I have been napping quite a bit, particularly the first week. I can't remember napping that much in my life, so I'm sure it hasn't happened since I was a toddler. I was pretty high for a few days as my body adjusted to the medication. I was so blessed to have my dad help me out on the days where I was really exhausted. I'm doing good now. I've had 2 weeks of being on the medication now and I don't need to nap anymore and rarely feel "foggy", so yay! I also finally got around to having it checked, and I officially don't have diabetes. There was a strong suspicion with a lot of us that I might have it, so it's nice to know that I don't.
We all had eye checkups in the last month. Caleb has glasses for distance things now, like watching TV and when they are looking at the Smart Board at school. He keeps his nicer pair of glasses at home and the less expensive ones at school. Brettley's full time glasses are on the way. John and I both will be getting our new glasses and prescription sunglasses tomorrow, and I am officially a full time glasses wearer now. Ty felt really left out being the only one who didn't need glasses, so I bought him a cheap pair of non-prescription ones just so he feels included. They look adorable on him, but pretty much all glasses do.
The boys spent part of spring break at my mom and step-dad's, which they greatly enjoyed. Ty built a T-stool with Grandpa, which helps him work on strengthening his core muscles and lets him wiggle a bit while sitting. He loves it and is so proud of it.
John found the desk that I've been wanting for 50% off, so he bought it for me. I laugh because all I went in the store for was a ruler and I came out with a desk (and the ruler).
And yeah, we watched General Conference over Easter weekend. Sorry there are no pictures today, I haven't uploaded them from my phone yet and since I'm sick, I'm opting not to go upstairs to get the cord to do it right now, ha ha. We're doing good though, and happy with how things have been going :)
We all had eye checkups in the last month. Caleb has glasses for distance things now, like watching TV and when they are looking at the Smart Board at school. He keeps his nicer pair of glasses at home and the less expensive ones at school. Brettley's full time glasses are on the way. John and I both will be getting our new glasses and prescription sunglasses tomorrow, and I am officially a full time glasses wearer now. Ty felt really left out being the only one who didn't need glasses, so I bought him a cheap pair of non-prescription ones just so he feels included. They look adorable on him, but pretty much all glasses do.
The boys spent part of spring break at my mom and step-dad's, which they greatly enjoyed. Ty built a T-stool with Grandpa, which helps him work on strengthening his core muscles and lets him wiggle a bit while sitting. He loves it and is so proud of it.
John found the desk that I've been wanting for 50% off, so he bought it for me. I laugh because all I went in the store for was a ruler and I came out with a desk (and the ruler).
And yeah, we watched General Conference over Easter weekend. Sorry there are no pictures today, I haven't uploaded them from my phone yet and since I'm sick, I'm opting not to go upstairs to get the cord to do it right now, ha ha. We're doing good though, and happy with how things have been going :)
Thursday, March 26, 2015
Nikki Being Real
So I promised myself a few years back that I would be real and honest on my blog, that I wouldn't censor myself trying to make other people happier or more comfortable. I usually fail at being real and honest, so I'm going to try and buck that trend today.
So anyone who has 'known' me for a while probably knows that I have been diagnosed with Type 2 Bipolar Disorder, and have been for over 5 years now. In a nutshell, I deal mostly with crippling depression and struggle with self-harm and other destructive thoughts. Once in a while, my head decides that I'm not miserable and that I should single-handedly try to take on the world (hypomanic episodes). When I was first being diagnosed, I was put on a medication called olanzapine. We only had Caleb and Ty at the time, and it felt like the nail in the coffin on ever having another baby. I gained 25 lbs within a single month of being on the medication and then I relapsed badly shortly after into another depression episode.
I then started taking a vitamin and mineral supplement that has been found to be effective by lots of people in treating their bipolar. We felt good about it after being on it for 4 months and then I got pregnant with Brettley. To be to the point here, I spent pretty much the entire pregnancy being dangerously suicidal. I've been on the supplement since then and although it's better than it was without it, I still feel like every single day is a fight just to try to be 'normal', and it's a fight that I'm losing more and more frequently. Happiness that lasts more than a fleeting moment is a rare miracle. I still get crippling depression at least twice per year. I have struggled greatly with self-harm for the past few years. In short, I'm not living, I am just barely surviving.
So last week John came home from work, sat down on the floor with me and said "I think it's time to give a different traditional medication a try". We talked about how I wanted to proceed with that. I decided to get an appointment with a new GP and discuss my options with them. John made me the appointment. This was a very difficult decision for me to make. I'm terrified of gaining weight again like I did on the olanzapine. I'm scared of things getting WAY worse before they can get better. I'm scared it'll take years and years to find what works for me. I felt like I'd failed for giving up on the supplement after 5+ years. But John gave me a priesthood blessing, and I am going to be learning how to rely on my Heavenly Father even more though this.
My appointment with the GP was yesterday evening. I have started a very low dose of a new kind (to me) of medication (yesterday was my last day on the supplement). I will be seeing him often to find out how it is working and what changes we may need to make. I have to go for blood work tomorrow and will get the results of that at my GP appointment next week. I need to start doing some form of physical activity (which I'm trying to figure out what I want to do that I will be able to enjoy). I have been ordered to be more social. I've also been told that I'm not allowed to bottle up what I'm going through anymore, I actually need to talk about it with people. I feel both scared and excited. Scared for the reasons that I mentioned in the previous paragraph, but also excited because I'm hoping that by stepping on this path that I will eventually find the right answer. Because I don't want to just barely survive anymore, I want to actually live.
So anyone who has 'known' me for a while probably knows that I have been diagnosed with Type 2 Bipolar Disorder, and have been for over 5 years now. In a nutshell, I deal mostly with crippling depression and struggle with self-harm and other destructive thoughts. Once in a while, my head decides that I'm not miserable and that I should single-handedly try to take on the world (hypomanic episodes). When I was first being diagnosed, I was put on a medication called olanzapine. We only had Caleb and Ty at the time, and it felt like the nail in the coffin on ever having another baby. I gained 25 lbs within a single month of being on the medication and then I relapsed badly shortly after into another depression episode.
I then started taking a vitamin and mineral supplement that has been found to be effective by lots of people in treating their bipolar. We felt good about it after being on it for 4 months and then I got pregnant with Brettley. To be to the point here, I spent pretty much the entire pregnancy being dangerously suicidal. I've been on the supplement since then and although it's better than it was without it, I still feel like every single day is a fight just to try to be 'normal', and it's a fight that I'm losing more and more frequently. Happiness that lasts more than a fleeting moment is a rare miracle. I still get crippling depression at least twice per year. I have struggled greatly with self-harm for the past few years. In short, I'm not living, I am just barely surviving.
So last week John came home from work, sat down on the floor with me and said "I think it's time to give a different traditional medication a try". We talked about how I wanted to proceed with that. I decided to get an appointment with a new GP and discuss my options with them. John made me the appointment. This was a very difficult decision for me to make. I'm terrified of gaining weight again like I did on the olanzapine. I'm scared of things getting WAY worse before they can get better. I'm scared it'll take years and years to find what works for me. I felt like I'd failed for giving up on the supplement after 5+ years. But John gave me a priesthood blessing, and I am going to be learning how to rely on my Heavenly Father even more though this.
My appointment with the GP was yesterday evening. I have started a very low dose of a new kind (to me) of medication (yesterday was my last day on the supplement). I will be seeing him often to find out how it is working and what changes we may need to make. I have to go for blood work tomorrow and will get the results of that at my GP appointment next week. I need to start doing some form of physical activity (which I'm trying to figure out what I want to do that I will be able to enjoy). I have been ordered to be more social. I've also been told that I'm not allowed to bottle up what I'm going through anymore, I actually need to talk about it with people. I feel both scared and excited. Scared for the reasons that I mentioned in the previous paragraph, but also excited because I'm hoping that by stepping on this path that I will eventually find the right answer. Because I don't want to just barely survive anymore, I want to actually live.
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