A Proper Update

Okay, I hide A LOT from my facebook about what's really going on with me, because not everyone on facebook needs to know everything about me. However, I made myself a promise a few years ago that I would be honest on my blog. Or, at least more honest than I am on facebook. There is a really good reason why I've been all but absent since October. I started seeing a psychologist, who is LDS and the first one that I've been able to easily work with. I started confronting the mental/emotional abuse I went through as a kid and the serious lasting effects it's had on my self-esteem and perception of my self-worth. It's been an incredibly emotional time for me learning just how much this has affected me and realizing just how much work will be involved in trying to fix the damage that it did.

Also, if I'm being truly honest here, I've really been struggling since the calling change. I miss Young Women a lot and it was something that kept me sane when nothing else would, so it was very hard to be released from that during such an emotional time. However, I am (very) slowly working through it. The Cubs are great boys, and that helps so much.

So there you have it, the reason I rarely post on my blog any more. I do have great support from my husband and my friend who first convinced me to go see someone. It's not all been bad, it's just been highly emotional. Mostly, it's just nice to finally feel like I'm dealing with the problem after 20 years. So if you don't hear from me often, it's not because I have nothing to say or I'm not fine, it's because I have a lot that I'm dealing with and the specific details of it aren't something I'm comfortable sharing in this setting.

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That being said, here's some updates for you. Caleb is home for spring break this week. He did quite well on his report card last week. He has been enjoying piano lessons (I think) and his teacher is always impressed with him. I'd love for him to keep it up, but he insists that he'd rather swim or learn guitar next year. Guess it will be swimming, because the deal with guitar was that he had to take 2 years of piano first.

Ty is his usual random self and keeps me quite entertained. We are both looking forward to him starting school in September. He's become quite proficient in using the TV, the computer and my iPhone. Sometimes I think it's bad that he's so good at it, but I think it's mostly a combination of his way of channeling his intelligence and it just being a generational thing. Especially my iPhone, since he normally only gets to use it if we're out at an appointment or something, which is very rare. Next month we get to go to his Kindergarten open house. Should be fun!

Brettley will be having another surgery in the near future for his eyes. The doctor said they could keep doing them until he's 7 as long as they're needed, but I'm pretty sure we'll stop after this one. His eyes improved drastically after the first surgery and he should end up looking pretty normal after this one, so I'd rather not do this to him again after this one if I can help it. He is catching up in his development. He can walk well, run and jump. He has hugely expanded his vocabulary and communicates quite a bit. He is very polite, using please and thank you a lot. It was such a relief to see and hear these changes in him and I'm not nearly as worried about this being a permanent issue anymore.

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Well, that's about it for now. I hope everyone enjoys their Easter this weekend.

Freezer Meals, Easter, Teaser and Attitude of Gratitude

I've been working really hard on my April freezer meals these past few days. I have 24 meals made already with 4 left to make today. For the most part, they've been pretty easy to make, although I've already decided that I won't be doing this again until I have a bigger freezer because I'm really pushing it. I also discovered that trying to transfer soup into freezer bags by yourself is really frustrating.

We started our Easter Advent yesterday. I have daily readings that I'm doing and then yesterday I did the Easter Story using the plastic eggs with the kids. I hope you know what I'm talking about, but they seem to be pretty popular. Today we are reading a picture story about the first Easter that was in the Friend magazine at one point.

I have more fun news that I REALLY want to share, but won't be able to for a few more weeks, so stay tuned. And no, it is NOT baby related.

Last, since I'm actually thinking about it today, it's going to be Attitude of Gratitude Day for March 2012.

1) I am SO SO SO grateful for the time that I had with my father-in-law. I'm grateful for such a wonderful man in my life and I'm grateful that I listened to the spirit and decided to go down to say good bye when we did because waiting a few more days would have made it too late. I love him so much, I miss him lots and I'm forever grateful that I can see him again someday.

2) I am grateful that there are so many supports in place that we can get so much help with Brettley through his delays. I'm grateful that I live in the time that I do that so many different options, so much technology and support are available.

3) I am grateful for the opportunity that I had to go to the temple this month and to do work for my great-grandmother. I love the peace that I feel at the temple and I love that I have one so close to me. I'm looking forward to our next temple trip, I already have the date set.

The Real Meaning of Easter

I went to an amazing Relief Society meeting last night. The theme was "Come Unto Christ". Did you know that's an LDS term? It isn't used at all in the Bible, but is one of the last verses of the Book of Mormon.
"Yea, come unto Christ, and be perfected in him, and deny yourselves of all ungodliness; and if ye shall deny yourselves of all ungodliness, and love God with all your might, mind and strength, then is his grace sufficient for you, that by his grace ye may be perfect in Christ; and if by the grace of God ye are perfect in Christ, ye can in nowise deny the power of God." - Moroni 10:32

One of the things that was brought up that I have really pondered on since hearing it is why we spend 6+ weeks every year celebrating the birth of the Savior (not even on his birthday, mind you), yet we are lucky if half of our Easter Sunday is spent celebrating the Risen Lord. Without Easter, we wouldn't have Christmas. It would be the equivalent of celebrating my birthday for 6 weeks (not that I'd complain, ha ha). However, if the events that we celebrate at Easter time hadn't occurred, Christmas would mean absolutely nothing. If Christ hadn't suffered in Gethsemane, been crucified on Golgotha and risen from death then we would have no hope beyond this life.

Because of this renewed passion for Easter, we are making some changes in our house. This year the Easter Bunny came a few weeks early. Next year he won't come at all. Instead we will do an egg hunt in darkness to remember the 3 days of darkness in the Americas after Christ was crucified. I have several activities to do with the kids in the 2 weeks before Easter and I will be doing the 14 Day Walk With Christ (found it on sugardoodle in the Easter Ideas section). I also have a goal to read Jesus The Christ by James E Talmage by next Easter.

Since my next few days are going to be busy, I wanted to share my testimony right now while I'm thinking about it.

I KNOW THAT MY SAVIOR LIVES AND THAT HE LOVES ME!!! I can't say this enough. I know that He was born in the most humble of circumstances, that He lived a perfect life being the perfect example. I know that as He took upon Himself the sins of the world in Gethsemane and bled from every pore that He felt every single pain that I've ever gone through or will go through. He understands me like no one else can. He suffered a death that was perfected to be disgustingly painful in order to satisfy a mob. However, the most miraculous part of it all is that on the third day He broke the bonds of death and was resurrected. I know that because He lives that I will be resurrected as well and that because He took my sins upon Himself that I have a chance to return to my Heavenly Father again someday. I know these things with every single part of me and I wish I could scream it to the world because it's the most amazing thing. I know that Jesus lives, I know that He loves me and I love Him.