A Proper Update

Okay, I hide A LOT from my facebook about what's really going on with me, because not everyone on facebook needs to know everything about me. However, I made myself a promise a few years ago that I would be honest on my blog. Or, at least more honest than I am on facebook. There is a really good reason why I've been all but absent since October. I started seeing a psychologist, who is LDS and the first one that I've been able to easily work with. I started confronting the mental/emotional abuse I went through as a kid and the serious lasting effects it's had on my self-esteem and perception of my self-worth. It's been an incredibly emotional time for me learning just how much this has affected me and realizing just how much work will be involved in trying to fix the damage that it did.

Also, if I'm being truly honest here, I've really been struggling since the calling change. I miss Young Women a lot and it was something that kept me sane when nothing else would, so it was very hard to be released from that during such an emotional time. However, I am (very) slowly working through it. The Cubs are great boys, and that helps so much.

So there you have it, the reason I rarely post on my blog any more. I do have great support from my husband and my friend who first convinced me to go see someone. It's not all been bad, it's just been highly emotional. Mostly, it's just nice to finally feel like I'm dealing with the problem after 20 years. So if you don't hear from me often, it's not because I have nothing to say or I'm not fine, it's because I have a lot that I'm dealing with and the specific details of it aren't something I'm comfortable sharing in this setting.

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That being said, here's some updates for you. Caleb is home for spring break this week. He did quite well on his report card last week. He has been enjoying piano lessons (I think) and his teacher is always impressed with him. I'd love for him to keep it up, but he insists that he'd rather swim or learn guitar next year. Guess it will be swimming, because the deal with guitar was that he had to take 2 years of piano first.

Ty is his usual random self and keeps me quite entertained. We are both looking forward to him starting school in September. He's become quite proficient in using the TV, the computer and my iPhone. Sometimes I think it's bad that he's so good at it, but I think it's mostly a combination of his way of channeling his intelligence and it just being a generational thing. Especially my iPhone, since he normally only gets to use it if we're out at an appointment or something, which is very rare. Next month we get to go to his Kindergarten open house. Should be fun!

Brettley will be having another surgery in the near future for his eyes. The doctor said they could keep doing them until he's 7 as long as they're needed, but I'm pretty sure we'll stop after this one. His eyes improved drastically after the first surgery and he should end up looking pretty normal after this one, so I'd rather not do this to him again after this one if I can help it. He is catching up in his development. He can walk well, run and jump. He has hugely expanded his vocabulary and communicates quite a bit. He is very polite, using please and thank you a lot. It was such a relief to see and hear these changes in him and I'm not nearly as worried about this being a permanent issue anymore.

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Well, that's about it for now. I hope everyone enjoys their Easter this weekend.

When You Look At The Bishopric Member Like He's Crazy

It's been almost 2 months. Do I have an excuse? Not really. I just seem to never have anything to blog about. Except for my calling change. I discovered how much it sucks when you love your calling with an intense passion and then figure out that a release is coming but aren't sure of the when. The when ended up lasting about 3 weeks. I found out the last Sunday in February, and that first week before it was announced in sacrament meeting I was able to conveniently ignore it because I was still going to mutual and still had a Sunday left with the girls. Reality hit on Sunday as I held one of the Beehives while she cried. It was a tough few days for me at the beginning of the week. However, the sister that is now the current 2nd counselor is the exact person that I was hoping would be called to it, so I know that the girls are in great hands and that they'll have a wonderful experience with their new leadership.

I am now the Assistant Cub Leader. When the bishopric member called me to serve as that I kind of dropped my jaw, bugged my eyes out of my head and with an incredulous voice went "Really?!?". I think I was still in shock at that point too, being released was (for the first time) an incredibly emotional experience and I was bawling. I was very happy to find out that they new leader shirts are red now, though, instead of the tan that they used to be. I'm going to pick mine up this Saturday and I get to go to my first Cub meeting on Tuesday. I'm learning to be excited for my calling and the preparation it will give me for when Caleb turns 8 next year (say what?!?).

So yeah, that's what's going down. I lead such a boring life, ha ha.