Learning Experiences in Motherhood

I feel like I'm finally in a place where I can go public with this story. I also feel like I should, since it was a great learning experience for me.

To start with, Caleb has been struggling with some really serious mental health issues this school year. I've spent most of the past 9 months stressing about how to best help him and get him the outside help that he needs. I've been being punched, hit, kicked, had things thrown at me and had to protect my other 2 kids while all of this was going on. It has NOT been an easy road. When Caleb started getting violent, I became even more hands off with him. I wouldn't stop him when he was hurting me because I was scared I'd accidentally hurt him. I know that what he was feeling inside must be scary enough, he didn't need that to happen on top of it. Caleb has also been struggling with a serious lack of self esteem and sense of self-worth. There is your background to this story.

A few weeks ago, Caleb was feeling like he needed attention while in his primary class with a newer teacher who didn't know what he's been going through or even that I was Caleb's mum. So he decided to tell a tall tale to get the attention he was seeking and proceeded to tell his primary teacher that I spanked him so hard that his bum bled. Let me be clear, this is NOT EVEN CLOSE to being true. But the teacher didn't know who his mum was, or that Caleb had quickly been turning into a compulsive liar, or all of the other issues that Caleb has had going on. I wasn't even aware that he officially HAD a different primary teacher. So filled with concern for Caleb, she took the matter to the bishopric. When an allegation like that is taken to the bishopric, things HAVE to be handled a certain way. So some sort of authorities were called (to this day, I'm not sure if it was the police, or child services). Luckily, we have an amazing bishop, who called me immediately after, explained what had been said in the classroom and what had to happen because it had been said. He assured me that it was most likely that the worst that would happen would be having do do an interview with them over the phone. He let me know that if I had any problems with child services that I was to let him know and he would be there to help me through it (also helps that my bishop is a lawyer). He reassured me that during the phone call he'd had to make that he'd let them know some of the things that Caleb had been struggling with this year.

As a mother, I was mortified that my child would even say something like that. I still am, to be honest. But that's not the learning experience. First, and foremost, it reassured me that Heavenly Father is looking out for me through all of my struggles with Caleb. I'm not someone who wants to take their struggles to the bishop (in the past, I've hit rock bottom before I've gone to him), but I felt strongly with this particular trial this school year that the bishop needed to know what was going on, and we'd spoke about it several times. Because of that, our bishop knew enough to let the authorities know what was going on with Caleb. It prevented me from even having to do a phone interview with them, which would have sent my anxiety level through the atmosphere, I'm sure.

This experience also taught me about looking at things the right way. I could have been bitter that the primary teacher hadn't talked to me about it before going to the bishop. It's not hard to find out who someone's mum is. I could have been mad that policy dictated that authorities HAD to be called. I didn't get like that, though. I was able to immediately look at it from this viewpoint: Had Caleb been abused by anyone else and for whatever reason felt more comfortable telling his primary teacher than telling me, I am SO GLAD that it would have been taken seriously and not just shrugged off.

But the thing that is most evident from this learning experience, is what it has done for Caleb. He saw how much it tore me down when he lied about me like that. And since then, he has worked insanely harder to keep his anger in check and to not say things that aren't true. He finally had enough of a wake up call to make a difference. We will have a long way to go, his self esteem and self worth issues are still very much there, but for the first time since September, I finally feel like we're making some progress!

Lastly, it says a lot about how far I've come with my anxiety issues that I've been able to handle this situation as well as I did. I seldom feel like I'm doing an okay job as a mother and developing into a better person, but this showed that I am definitely making progress. So as awful and hard as this experience was, I am actually grateful for it. It's so amazing what we can learn to be grateful for if we let ourselves.