Change of Plans

I planned on doing a huge post tomorrow to celebrate Caleb's 7th birthday, but instead I'll be doing the final packing and preparing my house to head out to my grandma's funeral service.

I have taken the news about my grandma a LOT harder than I thought I would. My grandma taught me more about homemaking than anyone else in my life. When I chose to stay at home with my kids, my grandma was my biggest supporter. She understood the joys and frustrations of this better than anyone else in my family and never failed to let me know that I was making a valuable contribution even though I chose to forgo post-secondary education and out-of-home employment.

Grandma was never afraid to speak her mind about what she thought and felt, which is a trait I admire. She loved my boys so much and was always anxious to hear about what they were up to. When Brettley was born she opened her heart to John and I about a painful experience she'd been through so that we'd know that there was someone in the family who understood how terrifying it is to have a premature baby.

Over the past few years my grandma fell victim to Alzheimer's and dementia. In the spring of 2012 she was moved to a care facility when she could no longer walk. It has been a few years since I've seen her, at the request of my mum. I remember my grandma from the time when she remembered that she was my grandma. I have been missing her for a few years now, but now I miss her in a new way. I'm so glad that her struggle is over and that she is herself again and able to remember me and how much I love her. Grandma seldom said it in words that she loved me, but she never failed to show it in her actions.

I love you, Grandma, and I miss you so much!

Settling In To The School Year

Illness has been running around the Bly house the past couple of weeks. Caleb got a head cold that has hung on for about 10 days now. John and I were hit with it as well, so he ended up needing to take 2 days off of work because he was sick. That's kind of a big deal because I can count on 1 hand the amount of days John has taken off of work for his own illness since I met him. I had vertigo for a few days and ended up sleeping for 13 hours last night because I was so wiped out.

Ty has been absolutely loving school and his teacher commented that he's settled down a lot the last 2 days, which was great to hear. Brettley has been enjoying doing preschool things with me, and especially loves singing the songs. Caleb had to miss most of last week's school as well as missing his first piano lesson because he was so sick, but he's very happy to be back at school this week.

This coming Saturday we're celebrating Caleb's birthday (it's next Wednesday). Instead of having a party with his friends, he asked for just our family to go to Chuck-E-Cheese instead. I was very happy with the compromise and am looking forward to seeing the kids have fun playing the games.

I think that's about all that's new, there's just been a lot of resting going on this past week, ha ha.

Back to School

School has started up again, and it's been a great time for our family. Caleb started grade 2 and Ty started Kindergarten. The feelings I've had over the last 2 weeks have been a big topic of discussion in our house, and here, on my own little piece of the internet, I decided to chat about them. I am not a parent who cries when my kids go to school. I don't feel sad. While I notice they aren't here, I don't consciously miss them. So I've been thinking to myself 'Does this make me a bad parent?'. I've come to the conclusion that it doesn't.

I love my kids, they mean more to me than almost anything. They know that I love them, I tell them many times every day and show it in the things I do for them and with them. But when they go to school, it means that they are progressing. They are learning new skills, becoming more independent and becoming their own person. I don't see that as a sad thing. It's exciting. It means that they are doing their job and I'm doing mine. It means that I am helping them become they person that they are meant to be and that's what parenting is all about.

And let's be truthful here for a minute. We enjoy the time apart! Caleb and I have extremely similar personalities. We are highly emotional people who thrive on routine. Summer holidays, Christmas holidays and spring break are horrible for us. Our routine is taken away and we lash out at each other for it. So we love school and during that time we are more appreciative of each other and find it easier to show the other how much they mean to us.

As for Ty, if you happen to know Ty, you know why I'm over the moon that he's finally in school. If you don't know Ty, you are both blessed and cursed. He's one of the most high energy kids I've ever known, but he loves life and is absolutely hilarious. But yeah, a few hours apart gives me a chance to breathe and regroup, which is extremely helpful.

Lastly, with Ty in school in the mornings, I am home with just Brettley and am FINALLY able to give him the 1 on 1 attention he needs to catch up in his development. We have activities to do every day and he enjoys not having to fight with Ty for attention. Then while Brettley naps in the afternoon and I have time with just Ty, who is having a hard time figuring out where he belongs as the middle child. Life right now is really great, and if anyone sees me as a bad mother for enjoying what the school year gives us, then judge away, I have no shame about it :)

New Nephew, New Calling and Fall

My little nephew was born on Monday :) Well, technically he's not my nephew, but I get called Aunt Nikki anyway. He's the sweetest little guy and was so content for the whole time John and I were holding him yesterday.

I can now announce that I have a new calling on the Relief Society board. I'm pretty excited to be going into that calling, I really feel like it's what I need in my life right now.

And yeah, I feel like that's about all that I have to say. It's been a pretty boring week, I've mostly just been reading a lot. I've gone through 4 books now in the last week, and only one of them was a thinner book (213 pages). I am mostly just looking forward to summer holidays being over and getting the kids in school and having a nice routine again for the next 10 months. I'm not a summer person, I definitely prefer spring and fall. So on that note, what part(s) of fall are you looking forward to the most? I'm looking forward to the kids being in school, 3 of us having birthdays, no more crazy summer storms and getting to wear sweaters again.

Forgot Some News...

I skipped some pretty important news yesterday. I guess it's because I've known it in my heart for a couple of months now, so it doesn't seem new to me. We have officially announced that we're done having kids. But wait, you say, you said you were going to have another in a post about 2 years ago. A lot of this has been highly personal and not something that I'll share with many people, but I'll give some parts of the story. For almost 2 years now I've obsessed about the idea of having a girl. And I mean full out obsessed, it had taken over a large portion of my life and was highly unhealthy. It stressed me out to highly dangerous points. A few months ago I was sitting at the table looking at my kids and realized that even though I wanted a girl, I honestly didn't want more kids. I love the 3 adorable boys that we have. Things with Brettley have been a challenge. It's been more work and is kind of like having a first kid all over again. Because of this, when he reaches developmental milestones, it's highly exciting. I'd love to end it on that note, where it's all exciting and not a 'been there, done that' kind of a thing. So I talked to the counselor I was seeing about how I felt and that I felt like I had to have another baby because of blessings and answers to prayers, like I didn't really have a choice in the matter. Keep in mind, the counselor I see is through LDSFS, so he shares my spiritual beliefs. What he said changed my world. He told me that I still have agency in this. Basically, I have the option to have another kid, but that doesn't mean that I'm required to take that option. I am allowed to make this choice for myself. As soon as I decided that I was happy with what I have and was done, it was like the weight of the world was lifted off of my shoulders. I've been so much happier and less stressed since then. I no longer cry each time I pass little girl clothes in Walmart, I just appreciate if something is especially cute. Two days ago John loaded all of our old baby things into my mum's van for her to sell for us. It's gone, and it felt so liberating. I love John, our love our boys and I'm looking forward to growing together as a family of 5 geeks :) Life is great!

Sans Children and 9 Years

The boys went to my mum's place on Friday until Wednesday. They had a blast there. On Saturday I hosted a small baby shower for my friend who's having her baby this coming Monday. John took a whole bunch of stuff to the dump for me that day and cleared out a fair chunk in our basement. We played a lot of MTG that weekend because my back was hurting and laying down is pretty much the worst thing for that, so I didn't get a lot of sleep.

Monday John took the day off and we went out for the day. We saw a good friend that I haven't seen in a while. Then we went for lunch at The Old Spaghetti Factory. We shopped around West Ed for a while and went to a comic shop. It was a long and exhausting day. Tuesday I just hung around and relaxed.

Yesterday John took the day off again because I wasn't feeling well in the morning. I was also watching K yesterday. We took the 4 boys to a splash park since it was so hot out. We had a picnic lunch there and spent several hours playing. It was fun and we met up with some friends. Later Caleb and Ty enjoyed their early birthday presents from Grandpa. Caleb got a skateboard and Ty got a scooter. They are really enjoying them!

Today is L's birthday. She is now 9 and saying that makes me feel kind of old :P I love her birthday, it's such a celebration of everything to do with her. So happy 9th birthday to the most beautiful girl in the world. I love you so much!

Sick x4

Our last week has consisted of 4 out of 5 of us being sick. It started with Brettley and quickly moved on to me. I had several days of a sore throat, a sore body and feeling completely drained. A 30 minute shopping tripped knocked me out for hours. Caleb caught it next and had some nasty fevers and then Ty ended up with the same thing. Today is the first day in a week that we've all been (pretty much) healthy.

Not much else has been going on here, other than teaching the boys to do some new household tasks so that I can start passing some of the responsibility to them. Sorry, it's been an extremely boring week, but I should have more to say next week.