I thought I was really making peace with not having a girl of my own. I'd been doing a lot better. However, this morning at church they announced that a couple in our ward had a baby girl this past week. In came the tears, a couple of different times. It got me to wondering, when will I be okay enough to stop crying every time that I hear that someone has had or is having a baby girl? I know there's a reason why John and I have all boys. I could even take a few guesses that are probably really good ones, but I don't fully know the answer. I probably never will in this life. So when will it stop stinging so bad that I cry? When will it stop throwing me for hours or days?
Don't get me wrong. I love all of my boys and I wouldn't trade them for anything. However, it would have been so nice to have a girl as well. I'm sure it wouldn't have hurt as much if there wasn't a beautiful girl out there who's turning 7 in less than a month that I carried in me for 9 months before I placed her in the arms of one of the most amazing women I know.
So now I'm looking forward to going to Magrath even more and being able to take a step out of my normal life and just enjoy things. To spend time with one of the most wonderful men in the world. Remembering Dad and what he's going through helps me to keep my perspective better. He's such a blessing in my life. I love him so much. However, before Thursday, I want to write him the letter that I've been thinking about writing since we got the bad news last year. I don't know how to put all of this into writing, but I know that I need to do it. Because he's amazing, and I love him.
The goings on of our geeky little family and the musings and soapbox moments of the lone female in the group.
1 comment:
just write and write and write it will all come to you, then re-write all the bits you want to say X
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