Carpe Diem

I'm kind of embarrassed that it's been almost 2 months to the day since I've blogged. What's been going on in the Bly house? Let's start with the youngest, I suppose.

Brettley is 3, and I kind of feel like that explains everything to do with him right now. In our house, it's not the 2s that are terrible, it's the 3s. Brettley's circumstances of birth were, shall we say, less than ideal. As a result, he's been spoiled a lot, and we are going through the process of trying to break him of that. I'm reasonably certain that he's plotting his revenge half of the time, but he's still just so stinkin' adorable. We're going to start patching his good eye soon to try to avoid any more eye surgeries, so hopefully that will go well. He is currently obsessed with The Lego Movie and would watch it over and over all day long if I let him. His favourite person in the whole world is Grandpa Mattson, so he's very excited to be spending a special day at Grandpa's tomorrow without his brothers.

Ty finished Kindergarten in June and, much to his teacher's frustration, I have opted to move him forward to grade 1 next year. We had very different ideas about what would be the most beneficial for him, but I did my research and talked to people who had been in similar situations and strongly felt that he'd be far better off going to grade 1 instead doing another year of Kindergarten. Ty is still one of the most hilarious people I've ever known. He keeps things real in our house, and man do I love him for it. This summer he's been helping me take care of my flowers, and he is very sad that his special orange flowers that he picked out all by himself aren't faring so well anymore. He is such a sweet little guy.

Caleb...*sigh* Caleb's first few weeks of meds went very well. He wasn't hurting anyone anymore and he was a lot more willing to hear people out before getting upset. Then he started travelling for most of July and since then they haven't been going so well. I'm sincerely hoping and praying that once he gets the routine of school back that things will get a bit easier for him. My poor sweet boy, my heart just aches for him as we go through this. I can't imagine being that young and losing control so violently. On a lighter note, he is THRILLED to be going to grade 3 this year. He finished Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire and has been reading lots of books from the library. He's also gotten into making crafts. He loves all things history and space.

We had our family vacation last month. We spent over a week in Magrath, where my allergies were absolutely awful. Luckily, my friend/cousin-in-law suggested a medication rotation that actually worked pretty decently. While we were down there we went to my father-in-law's grave and had a good cry. We went swimming in Raymond. It was a cooler day, but we had lots of fun there and took along our oldest niece. John had his birthday, and we had a blast in Lethbridge together while the kids stayed with Grandma. We went to dinner at Firestone and it was just as amazing as the first time I was there, if not better. John's sister, Kathy, threw her big birthday bash for the kids and rented a whole theatre just for us to go see Rio 2. The boys LOVED getting to see a movie that way with their cousins, and it was a lot of fun. We took in town celebrations and by Sunday morning all 5 of us were sick, so we went home a day early so that we could sleep comfortably in our own beds.

On Tuesday we headed to North Battleford to stay with my uncle and aunt for a few days. We all went to the museum there and the kids had SO much fun seeing all of the old buildings and items in them. They also spent time in the pool and sprinkler and finally discovered the joys of the Kinect for the X-Box, since we don't have a Kinect for our's. It was super hot while we were there, but it was so nice to get to spend time with 2 of my most favourite people. We left there super early Friday morning so that I could attend my brother's mother-in-law's funeral, and then we finally got home the day after that. We were all very happy to be back home.

I got to attend Stake YW camp at the beginning of July. I managed to injure my leg on the first day, and we never did figure out how it happened. We had an AMAZING (!!!!!) fireworks show at camp on Canada Day, and I discovered the amazingness of a Nutella & Marshmallow Fluff sandwich. Seriously, it was so super yummy. I love serving the Young Women again, it's one of my most favourite places in the whole world to be.

So that's where we're at...

Yesterday evening, we found out that Robin Williams had died. It prompted me to again watch one of my favourite movies, which he happens to be in, Dead Poets Society. My brother and I used to love to watch that movie together a lot, and I still can't watch it without thinking about him. It makes me cry even more than most movies. I love it. This quote from the movie has always been a favourite of mine "We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for." And my other favourite, "Carpe. Carpe diem. Seize the day, boys. Make your lives extraordinary."

So that will (hopefully) be my goal for now. To seize the day and make my life extraordinary!

Caleb Update

So here is what came out of Caleb's meeting with the child psychiatrist. He has very serious anxiety issues (which we very much knew). We will be watching him since he's showing signs of having bipolar disorder. He will work on learning skills to deal with his emotions effectively. Caleb is far more intellectually mature than he is emotionally mature, and it's causing a big disconnect in him (we've heard this from a few people, actually). And get ready with your torches and pitchforks here... For the next 4-6 months he is taking an antipsychotic to reduce the frequency and the severity of his outbursts.

I'll address the medication issue first. We had always said before that we would medicate our kids as a last resort. Let me be clear, we were at that point. As I stated 2 posts ago, things have been really bad for the last 9 months, and I had hit my limit. Furthermore, with summer holidays about to start and there being no school to break up the week, I knew it was necessary. It is not a permanent solution, it is temporary until he has learned the skills that he needs to learn.

As for the part about him showing signs of bipolar, I kind of already knew this. It was glaringly obvious how much of myself I was seeing in him when he struggled. It's different coming at this with a child. We'll catch it WAY earlier than it was caught with me. We've already found an effective way to manage it, which he will be doing as soon as he is done taking the antipsychotics. He will never have to worry about morning sickness interfering with his ability to take his supplement, and he won't have to worry about monthly hormonal changes messing everything up either. We've been through this before, so we have a far better idea of how to help him through it than we did with me. And finally, he has a mother that has been through it first hand. I've got understanding about this in spades.

So...We have quite the road ahead of us, but it finally feels like we're making progress and that we have an idea of where we need to be going. I am SO thankful for everyone who has helped us during the past 9 months, especially our amazing and patient bishop. But every thought, prayer and kind word from everyone during this time has been far more appreciated than you know.

And Back Here On The Positive Side...

Yesterday's post was focused on the tough things I'm struggling with, so I felt that I needed to post some positive things today to balance it out a bit (and maybe as a precaution so that people don't think I'm totally losing it again). So what are some good things that have happened this school year?

Brettley ended up catching up enough in his development that we were able to remove him from the Early Intervention Program. He's actually become quite the articulate little boy. He's still on the short side, but very well proportioned. He's hilarious and adorable.

Tyrell benefited greatly from having an awesome teacher for a few months in the middle of the school year, and will be able to go through to grade 1 next year (we weren't sure if he'd be able to or not). He has actually matured a lot during this year, but is still as random and funny as ever.

Caleb has become quite the voracious reader. It's something that's beneficial, and makes him feel better about himself when he finishes particularly big books. He has already finished the first 3 Harry Potter books and is halfway through the fourth, on top of the hundreds of other books he has read in this school year alone. We have learned that he LOVES science and his exceptionally good memory is very helpful when he wants to tell us about the latest fact he's discovered.

John was able to work a bunch of overtime this spring, and as a result we'll be able to have 2 weeks of holidays this summer. We'll be visiting his family in Magrath first, and then we'll be going to visit my uncle and aunt in North Battleford. We are SO excited to be able to do this, as last summer, his holidays were only 2 days off for Brettley's surgery. The kids are looking forward to the trips as well.

My dad has been one of the biggest blessings we have as a family, there to help us out whenever we need him, which has been a lot because of all of the appointments, school events and other things that come up.

I got called back in to Young Women!!! This was HUGE for me. It was almost like I physically felt myself coming back to life when this happened. I finished Personal Progress for a second time and am currently working on round 3. I love the Young Women program so much, and it is where I thrive the most. I am enjoying every single week that I'm blessed to be serving there again. It has also helped me start to develop a good relationship with one of my nieces, which I value so much.

I started playing Dungeons and Dragons with John. This may not seem like a big deal, but it's a way for us to spend lots of time together where we're actually interacting and conversing, as opposed to just watching TV or movies together. It's something that we really enjoy doing and it has brought us even closer together. It's been so much fun!

It's Really Lonely Over Here

In going back over past posts, I've realized that I've been just as secretive on here about what's been going with Caleb this year as I've been in every other area of my life. I've given little snippets of information, but I've been holding in just how hard it's actually been. I've given more information to a few select people, but even ended up hardly doing that anymore. After a while, it gets tiring hearing "he's a boy, he'll grow out of it" and similar things. I've learned to trust my mum instincts, they are RARELY wrong, especially when it comes to Caleb. And I know in my heart of hearts that this is NOT just because "he's a boy" or because "he's still young". There is a very real and very serious concern.  But how do you get across to people that you need support from your friends because:

You've spent a significant potion of the past 9 months getting punched, slapped, kicked and hit by things thrown by your 7 year old child. That you've had countless times that you've had to restrain him so that he would no longer be able to do these things to your other children. That there have been so many times that you've had to just stand there and take it because you were too scared that if you tried to stop him that he'd accidentally get hurt in the process, but walking away wasn't an option because he would then be a danger to himself and to your younger children. That you've spent hours and hours bawling your eyes out because your very young child has already struggled with thoughts of self-harm. That you've been through option after option trying to get your child the help that they need and that it's always a constant battle to make sure that the help you are seeing understand just how serious the situation actually is and have had a (so-called) professional even shrug it off and try to turn it back around on you. That he has started lying about things so extreme that you had the system called about you over something that wasn't even remotely true. That you've been mortified as the principal has called to tell you (yet again) that your son hurt a classmate when he was unprovoked and you feel awful for the child who was hurt and know exactly how upset their parent must have been when their kid told them what happened at school that day. That you've constantly felt like a failure as a parent because no matter what you try to do about these things, it's NEVER enough.

To top it off, during this time, you've been having to make a decision about whether or not your 3 year old has caught up enough in his development to take him out of the Early Intervention Program or not. You've also had to decide whether to bow to the school's pressure to hold your child back in Kindergarten for another year. You lose both of your grandparents within 6 weeks. You find out that your mother had cancer. You have been dealing with serious repercussions of your own mental illness that leave you physically scarred (probably for the rest of your life).

Yes, THIS has been my life for the last 9 months. Are there good things that happened in there? Absolutely! But when you're dealing with this on a regular basis, you end up physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted pretty much ALL of the time. You end up breaking down in tears in the principal's office, and in the bishop's office. It takes everything you have to keep on going. And you do all of this feeling oh so alone. Because you have no idea where to even turn for support anymore.

This is why there has been so much blog silence from me this school year. Because THIS ^ has been my life. And I don't even know where it's safe to talk about it anymore, because so many people won't take it seriously.

Learning Experiences in Motherhood

I feel like I'm finally in a place where I can go public with this story. I also feel like I should, since it was a great learning experience for me.

To start with, Caleb has been struggling with some really serious mental health issues this school year. I've spent most of the past 9 months stressing about how to best help him and get him the outside help that he needs. I've been being punched, hit, kicked, had things thrown at me and had to protect my other 2 kids while all of this was going on. It has NOT been an easy road. When Caleb started getting violent, I became even more hands off with him. I wouldn't stop him when he was hurting me because I was scared I'd accidentally hurt him. I know that what he was feeling inside must be scary enough, he didn't need that to happen on top of it. Caleb has also been struggling with a serious lack of self esteem and sense of self-worth. There is your background to this story.

A few weeks ago, Caleb was feeling like he needed attention while in his primary class with a newer teacher who didn't know what he's been going through or even that I was Caleb's mum. So he decided to tell a tall tale to get the attention he was seeking and proceeded to tell his primary teacher that I spanked him so hard that his bum bled. Let me be clear, this is NOT EVEN CLOSE to being true. But the teacher didn't know who his mum was, or that Caleb had quickly been turning into a compulsive liar, or all of the other issues that Caleb has had going on. I wasn't even aware that he officially HAD a different primary teacher. So filled with concern for Caleb, she took the matter to the bishopric. When an allegation like that is taken to the bishopric, things HAVE to be handled a certain way. So some sort of authorities were called (to this day, I'm not sure if it was the police, or child services). Luckily, we have an amazing bishop, who called me immediately after, explained what had been said in the classroom and what had to happen because it had been said. He assured me that it was most likely that the worst that would happen would be having do do an interview with them over the phone. He let me know that if I had any problems with child services that I was to let him know and he would be there to help me through it (also helps that my bishop is a lawyer). He reassured me that during the phone call he'd had to make that he'd let them know some of the things that Caleb had been struggling with this year.

As a mother, I was mortified that my child would even say something like that. I still am, to be honest. But that's not the learning experience. First, and foremost, it reassured me that Heavenly Father is looking out for me through all of my struggles with Caleb. I'm not someone who wants to take their struggles to the bishop (in the past, I've hit rock bottom before I've gone to him), but I felt strongly with this particular trial this school year that the bishop needed to know what was going on, and we'd spoke about it several times. Because of that, our bishop knew enough to let the authorities know what was going on with Caleb. It prevented me from even having to do a phone interview with them, which would have sent my anxiety level through the atmosphere, I'm sure.

This experience also taught me about looking at things the right way. I could have been bitter that the primary teacher hadn't talked to me about it before going to the bishop. It's not hard to find out who someone's mum is. I could have been mad that policy dictated that authorities HAD to be called. I didn't get like that, though. I was able to immediately look at it from this viewpoint: Had Caleb been abused by anyone else and for whatever reason felt more comfortable telling his primary teacher than telling me, I am SO GLAD that it would have been taken seriously and not just shrugged off.

But the thing that is most evident from this learning experience, is what it has done for Caleb. He saw how much it tore me down when he lied about me like that. And since then, he has worked insanely harder to keep his anger in check and to not say things that aren't true. He finally had enough of a wake up call to make a difference. We will have a long way to go, his self esteem and self worth issues are still very much there, but for the first time since September, I finally feel like we're making some progress!

Lastly, it says a lot about how far I've come with my anxiety issues that I've been able to handle this situation as well as I did. I seldom feel like I'm doing an okay job as a mother and developing into a better person, but this showed that I am definitely making progress. So as awful and hard as this experience was, I am actually grateful for it. It's so amazing what we can learn to be grateful for if we let ourselves.

Um, I'm Still Here

Okay, it's been over 2 months. I'd say I'm long overdue for a blog post. Since then I have finished my second round of Personal Progress and started on round 3 this morning. I just can't get enough of that program. I am still the Mia Maids adviser in our ward, just under a different presidency. I got to experience pneumonia for the first time in April, which was incorrectly diagnosed as a viral cold the first time I went in to see a doctor. I will NEVER see him again, since I was completely symptomatic for pneumonia and he totally shrugged it off without even ordering chest x-rays. Thankfully, my mother-in-law was here the first week that I had it to take care of the kids, and then my mum and dad both helped me out the second week. Caleb got it as well, but I knew what I was looking for, so he didn't get remotely as sick as I had.

The other week I had a spa day with my mum. It was great to spend some time with her, although it reminded me that I don't relax well (oops). This past weekend I was in Lethbridge for my brother's convocation from the U of L. He earned his Bachelor of Management. I went down with my dad, which means that I had 2 full days without John and the kids. Remember what I said about how I don't relax well? Yeah, still true here. I'm so glad that I was able to go and support him, though. Also, we had an AMAZING (!!!!!!) meal at Firestone on Friday. Hands down the best meal I've ever had in a restaurant.

Now we're buckling down for the last month of the school year (when did that happen?!?). Track and field day this week, pancake breakfast next week, field trip the week after where I'm am volunteering and then after that it will be the last week of school. Throw in a YW leadership meeting, temple recommend interview, child psychiatrist appointment, 2 baby showers, Father's day, camp prep and a birthday party and you end up with a VERY busy month ahead of us. I have YW camp the week after school lets out, which I'm really excited for and desperately praying to not have another lice experience this time around (ha ha).

In even bigger news, we actually get to take summer holidays this year, YAY :D John will be off of work for two and a half weeks. We'll be in Magrath for over a week, home for a day for dental consults for Caleb and Tyrell, and then in North Battleford for a bit to visit my uncle and aunt (under far better circumstances than the last 2 times).

I got to officially let the school know this morning that we will not be keeping Tyrell in kindergarten for a second year next year. They asked us to seriously consider it, but after talking to several people, we decided that we'd prefer him to repeat grade 1 if necessary, rather than kindergarten. I've already started buying school supplies for the boys for next year. (I may or may not absolutely ADORE buying school supplies)

So that's what's be going down and what's in store for the Bly family. I am most looking forward to not being stuck at home all summer this year. What are you looking forward to the most in SUMMER 2014?

Friday Update

So I decided to do an update today!

Brettley has spent most of the last few months sick. He finally started doing better late last week. He gets sick a lot more than the other 2 ever did. He's also a very opinionated and belligerent 3 year old boy, but oh so adorable.

Ty is currently sick. He did very well on his last report card and has progressed so much since he got a new teacher at the beginning of February. He now has the teacher that Caleb had, who I adore and she is just amazing with the kids. We are starting to notice him maturing as well, which is always reassuring.

Caleb is...He's Caleb. We've been trying to deal with some pretty big mental health issues with him this year, so we're still in the middle of trying to figure out what the problem even is. We've had 2 psychologists tell us that, yes, there is a problem and cause for concern, but they're not sure what the specific problem is. When the issue isn't bothering him, though, he's doing great. He's getting a new "to him" bed from Grandma Jo in a few weeks, which is a double, so he's very excited about that.

John is as normal, busy working during the day and helping me hold down the fort during evenings and weekends. He's been great about dealing with sick kids while I've been doing my calling this past month.

I am doing well. I have officially lost the first 10 lbs in my weight loss, which feels AMAZING! I got to box up almost all of my plus size clothing the other week to take to Value Village. I have been doing great with plugging away at my Personal Progress and have already finished 2 of the values (Faith and Virtue).  I believe I'm almost halfway done all of Personal Progress... I am still loving my calling. The girls are amazing and so inspiring. I love them!